I can't step on the cracks of sidewalks.

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I can understand (insert language) but for the life of me I can't speak it.

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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Whenever I hear someone say a word in a way that I like, I repeat it.

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When you do something really cool but no one is there to see it and it's pointless to try and tell them about it because they don't believe you

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I push the door open with my stomach

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1. When you're downstairs at night you go upstairs as fast as fucking possible. 2. When you switch volume in TV, the second number has to be 0 or 5.

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cover myself in vaseline and roll around on the floor pretending im a slug

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Twice on two different internet super power sites, I posted sdrawkcab epyt ot REWEP eth"... ...Sadly I forgot to type MORAL under them, so they have... several thumbs ups... NERO: In a world of bithes and h0m0f*gs that never understood that my "MORALS" where pure SARCASM!... Oh, I also think I am one of the three hundred guys that gangbang your mother.

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Spread my butt so poop comes out easier.

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I love the We'll Be Right Back jingle on the Eric Andre show.

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I always try to play it cool and act like it’s no big deal. But I always have a mini anxiety attack before actually stepping onto a moving escalator. It is a task trying to time my step perfectly where my foot isn’t hanging off a step and I have to hurry my second foot on there isn’t an awdward space of steps between my feet. -Ikka

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Imagine your in action movies and die for a girl while your lying there trying too sleep and realising you are deep in thought about something that your too chicken to do.

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I used to peep when my relatives are watching porn, back when i was a kid. After that, i feel like i wanna pee.

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I read the down voted posts

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Thinking something embarrassing, then having to talk to someone and suddenly getting worried you are about to blurt out your thoughts

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I throw a piece of paper in the toilet and try to "sink it" either with my "super stream wave" and if it does not work, I unleash my secret (but not always available weapon) "dept charge bombs".

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When ever i hear music that i like i imagine im in a fight and i know martial arts with people i dont know

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when im alone i pretend to sniper zombies out my bedroom window

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Justin Beiber is a woman

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I never find things funny unless I'm in a completely silent room, and it is then that I think or see something funny and begin to almost cry of laughter.

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When I wake up after having a good dream I try to remember it but I don't

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Sometimes I look at security cameras and start to act suspiciously like I'm up to something... but really... I'm not.

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Have a sudden urge to say "bomb" at an airport.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.