after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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When im alone i rub myself in vasaline and pretend that im a slug on the kitchen floor.

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I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

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Left alone Big noise, people aren't expected back as soon so grab baseball bat and charge only to find them back early...."what you doing?" "batting my socks around practising my baseball skills"

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Imagine I'm walking in slow motion when I enter a bar or club

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If i've been thinking about a particular person a lot, afterwards if people are telling a story or describing a scenario, I always picture the person I was thinking of before as the person as the main character in their story/scenario.

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Avoid eating at parties to look as though you're not hungry

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If I get lost while driving, the first thing I do is turn down the radio.

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When posting these, I'm rarely able to read the words/letters in the box that prove you're human and not some computer virus. Now I'm starting to think I'm not a human......

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If im taking a crap in the public washrooms and someone walks in I try to make covering noise as soon as its about to plop.

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Feel bad about hurting someone a long time ago, when I was a child, and wish I could speak to that person and say "I'm sorry." Cringe whenever the thought of the incident rises.

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I doodle on everything I get that can be doodled on, even my exams :)

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When your to lazy try to use the force to pick things up

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Wipe the salt off your hand on your right pant leg after eating salty fries from fast food restaurants.

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when i piss in the toilet, i flush half way through and race the toilet to the finish.

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When I Download A Song Or Movie And The Download Speed Slows Down I Think The FBI Is Tracking Me.

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I chew my ice cream.

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You think about all the stupid things you did in elementary school and avoid anyone who went to your elementary school in high school.

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I worry because I keep wondering why I worry.

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When ever I'm walking up or down stairs, i always have to step on the last step with my left foot.

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Pretend to be texting to look popular in public

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When im alone in my car i talk to myself about lifes issues

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Sometimes I think of doing really bad things and smirk, only to later regret even thinking of it and start questioning myself while feeling bad about it.

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Scratching with the wife's/girlfriends hair brush.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.