I watch American football with the sound down low because the announcers are always trying to tell us that we didn't see what we just saw when the referees make bad calls

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shit corn, even though i havent recently eaten corn.

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Tear up when I poop

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Multi task while your brushing your teeth and forget you have a tooth brush in your mouth.

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When I'm walking in the street and I hear a car coming from behind I try to beat it by running to the closest telephonepole.

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Tally mark everytime I take a shit.

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When a teacher at school leaves a line of pen on the big whiteboard, my attention can NOT be drawn from it.

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Wherever I drink something, I count how many times I swallow it, and I feel weird if it's not a multiple of 5. I will get more of the drink and drink it, even if I'm not thirsty, just to make my life seem a little more complete...PLEASE tell me I'm not the only one?

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Stop singing about weed when you see a cop car.

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Going through a lot of Deja Vu lately, it feels like you have another life before this one.

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When I'm on a site that requires you to login with Facebook or Twitter to leave a comment, I click on the names of the nice looking ones to go see their pages to add them to my friends list.

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I used to drive home from my girlfriend's house late at night and stop on a stretch of road to take a leak. I'd walk backwards while peeing, creating a crooked line of pee in the road. I'd add to it night after night, then I'd drive by in the day to see my long pee stain in the road only I knew about. Anyone who passed by could see it, but only I knew what it was. It would last until the next rain and I'd have to start over.

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Saying something stupid and then claiming it was an inside joke so you don't look stupid.

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listen to madonnas new album

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The power to put a pointless super power on thingsyouthinkonlyyoudo.com

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I go to the fridge, see that there is nothing I want to eat in it, and then go back to it a minute later hoping that something I like has materialized

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Look to the right, and see nothing. Look to the left, and see nothing. Look to the right again, and see the chick from the ring (or some scary shit) standing there.

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If I'm in the car looking for an address or a street name I'll turn down the radio. Why?

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I tend to ignore phone calls, even when I know the phone call could be important.

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Ask me if an outfit makes you look fat? I'll say VERY!

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Put the porn sound in a really low volume even when you have headphones, just to make sure noone can hear it. Then take off the headphones once in a while to check if it sounds too loud.

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I like to think I'm a Lion or cat.

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when you pick up something you think is going to be heavy and its like you suddenly have super strength

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When I watch porn, I only watch like the first 5-10 minutes of it. To be honest I wonder why people bother making them longer too.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.