start telling someone a story and then realize that i would only be funny if they actually saw it.

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Before I meet someone I've never met before, I think of stuff to say or do to prevent it from being awkward, but when I finally meet them I do none of the things I thought about doing.

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Being stuck in a traffic jam and wishing I could just apparate

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Sitting down in the shower

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Whenever I'm outside playing a sport or something I pretend I have a tv show and I'm giving the audience a tutorial on how to do whatever I'm doing.

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Check every spoon fork and knife in the silverware drawer for spots or old food before you choose which one to eat with

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try to give your friends spirit animals

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I like asking my wife how her SIMIANS are doing (the sims 4) because its fun watching her try to hide the fact that it annoys her. Nero, now if you thought Moral Man the Friendly neighbourhood r*pist was bad... Well, thumb me down I dare you! Seriously I totally did not have a certain bitch turkish hacker put a tracker on my laptop si I can find out where you live... And pay some guy to break your kneecaps... I only done it twice though... Here on horsehead network :) Third time is a charm ;) NERO: Actually I paid people five times, the fourth did not do his job, so I pay a fifth to FINISH HIM! (Sometimes I think people on craigslist just like to kill for the fun of it, seriously, eighty bucks?)

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watch reality t.v. when you're feeling guilty and think to yourself "at least I'm not as bad as that"

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All of my friends go to halloween parties. I still go trick or treating.

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rub your face on your legs after shaving to feel how smooth they are.

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Whenever I think of something creative or weird, I always wonder if someone thought of the same thing.

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When I am bored I look at things and wonder about the people who made them, and at what time they were made, etc. Like whether my Bic pen was made in the morning or the night. Savy.

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Sometimes I blow my nose on yesterday's socks because it is the closest thing to the bed in the morning and I'm too lazy to get up and go for a tissue. O_o

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Go through a bunch of the boxes with the messed up letters (The ones making sure your not a robot) trying to find one you like. Then, click the refresh button and realize that the last one might have been the best one you were going to get.

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I have just one thing to say to all the women who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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stare at someone then when they turn around look all around the room pretending you weren't looking at them

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Sometimes when I'm bored I start shouting things in German.

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I sometimes deliberately miss buses or trains even though I could easily board them.

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when listening to pandora just skip through the songs and hit the like or hate buttons and not listen to the music,but then when you want to listen to the music you can't because theres no wifi

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Feel bad about hurting someone a long time ago, when I was a child, and wish I could speak to that person and say "I'm sorry." Cringe whenever the thought of the incident rises.

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I sleep naked cauz It's dead sexy.

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Sometimes I'll think about something that's so weird nobody would ever do it, and then i figure there's a big chance somebody did it at least once in history.

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Have troubles sleeping when it's hot.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.