Turn the door knob while closing the door ...so it doesn't make a loud noise.

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Think of the most awkward or dreadful thing you could possibly do in any given situation and be almost compelled to do it but then realising that you could never show your face anywhere ever again if you did.

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My daily agenda: wake up take a crap get out of bed...

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Look at my poo before I flush it.

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Pick your butt and then wipe your hand/fingers somewhere hoping that the smell dosn't stick to you and that no one smells it....

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When I notice that I have just breathed in/out, for the next minute or so I feel like I have to make a conscious effort to keep breathing.

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filling your mouth with water in the shower and spitting it at the wall.

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When I walking the same direction as other people, I secretly race them and do the sports commentry in my head

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While talking on the phone you can't think of anything to say then it gets awkwardly quiet

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I Think people can read my mind....."if you can read my mind nod your head or don't if you don't want me to know that you can" It doesn't work either way but yeah thats just me lol

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I was not born in the country I am living in now

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All of my friends go to halloween parties. I still go trick or treating.

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Lay down in bed and close my eyes and pretend that the bed is slowly levitating towards the ceiling. When I open my eyes, the bed is back on the ground.

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Believing in the kindness of strangers

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I have memorized my drivers license registration number

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I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

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When I watch porn, I only watch like the first 5-10 minutes of it. To be honest I wonder why people bother making them longer too.

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Wait until my friends are done eating lunch so I don't have to dump my tray alone.

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I prefer to go to the bathroom with the door open.

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I chew around the center of carrots.

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Pretending I'm on my cellphone in public.

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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as you walk down the street, you pretend that all of the people were zombies and you pretend you have a gun and give them headshots (even imitate the gunshot with your mouth) -MATT

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Playing a sad song that talks about your current situation and then looking in the mirror or out the window pretending you are in a sad music video.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.