I hate it when people assume I'm smart just because I don't speak much and I wear glasses.

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Wipe my hands on a cold glass to clean my hands

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masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

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Think something you shouldn't about someone, stop thinking about it in case they read your mind, and then, as an added precaution, think "I know you listening".

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think of who i would kill if i found out i only had a few weeks to live. i.e. sickest criminal alive.

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Pee in the shower

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Sitting down on the toitlet to pee (being a male). It's so comfortable when you're tired. Also: Wonder if there's a female version of this, where girls stand up to take a piss. Just curiosity.

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Wonder if I have a twin across the world and he makes all the opposite decisions.

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I don't care about who a celebrity dates or marries. Why should I?

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always get sports injuries, never get any attention from them

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thinking "what if people can read my mind" then cant stop thinking dirty things about people around me

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Drop something down the side of the couch, say that you'll get it in a minute and then forget about it

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Look at the least popular comments just out of interest

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Whe someone buys you a gift and you think they have installed a camera into it or can somehow mentally see you when that gift is near you. Resulting in you acting strange around that it or when you are present in the same room as that gift

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when i pass a grave yard, i am compelled to hold my breath

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sometimes when i fart i feel like i pooped a little in my underwear but tell myself ''no i didn't'' but feel poopy until i check.

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Toss something across the room toward the place it belongs, get excited when it lands upright/ perfectly in place, then immediately regret you weren't recording it.

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when sleeping over at someone's house, make a cringing, weird looking face while opening the fridge in the middle of the night like somehow the look on your face will change the volume of the seal breaking open

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Surfing nsfw subreddit at work

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Feel like something is behind you/watching you, run to your room super quickly and get into the room before that something gets you

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When you're out for a run, you pretend that someone is chasing after you so you run harder.

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I try to sympathize when some celebrity butthole has problems but, I can't.

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Just ocassionally stand up and pontlessly walk around the house when using the computer. Anyone?

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There's this reassuring voice in my head. She's almost like a mother, telling me that it'll be alright and that I have things to do.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.