poke fun at somebody and pray for forgiveness the following night

thumb_up thumb_down -56

Having to poop in a certain way to avoid your ass sucking it in again. If it all comes out in one go, the cleaning becomes a lot easier and more satisfying.

thumb_up thumb_down -56

Imagin what would happen if there was a zombie invasion just at your house.

thumb_up thumb_down -58

HEY! YOU! Yeah you! I can speak you only, NO! Nobody else here! Yeah you only you, by the way you are a dirty piece of s**t you mothe* F**ker! YEAH ITS YOU! I HATE YOU! EVERYBODY HATES YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *end of special message just for you*

thumb_up thumb_down -62

Wish you could delete a post if it gets thumbs down

thumb_up thumb_down -64

Thinking about a situation someone else in the world might be in. For example, Someone dying and the pain they must be going through.

thumb_up thumb_down -66

When I am at amusement parks I look and determine which guys I could beat up and which I couldn't.

thumb_up thumb_down -66

When you have the " If I'm on an elevator and it breaks and is about to crash at the bottom, and I jump up before it does, will I live?" thought.

thumb_up thumb_down -66

check behind the shower curtain before taking a piss xD E E S

thumb_up thumb_down -76

I hum the MLP:FIM theme and hope no one recognizes the tune.

thumb_up thumb_down -78

Nodding while talking on the phone then remembering the person can't see you

thumb_up thumb_down -86

Take off the ends of the banana (

thumb_up thumb_down -100

laugh whenever I see an infomercial where the hosts glorify their products to the point where it seems like they have found Jesus it is hilarious.

thumb_up thumb_down -108

as you walk down the street, you pretend that all of the people were zombies and you pretend you have a gun and give them headshots (even imitate the gunshot with your mouth) -MATT

thumb_up thumb_down -110

When Ive already talked to somebody , I think of things I couldve said to make the converstion better

thumb_up thumb_down -116

Sometimes I wonder if my life is a dream and oneday I'll wake up as a newborn baby

thumb_up thumb_down +45

Sing every word to Bohemian Rhapsody every time you hear it in the most dramatic way possible.

thumb_up thumb_down +45

When your watching a YouTube video and you have to watch an AD, you mute it and turn your head away because your just that pissed off at the company.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

realize that no one is listening to me talk so I say something completely random to try and get there attention

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Chewing your chips softer so you can hear the tv

thumb_up thumb_down +17

That awkward moment when you thought the other person opened the door for you to go in first, when it was actually for that person.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

browse the internet at school and look at shit brix and the dog with the jesus butthole appears and the teacher saw and said what are you looking at? i was banned for the rest of the term. jesse footter

thumb_up thumb_down +1

When I'm in the shower, you think of arguments that can occur, then think of good comebacks to say to your opponent. And when it actually does happen in real life, you don't have the courage to say it.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Tryng to run away from, or at least be faster than my shadow.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.