When I touch something with one hand I have to touch it with the other in the same way just to be fair to both hands

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I hit the frig after sex

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Start walking down a busy street or mall, and realise I've gone the wrong way. Suddenly stop and pretend to read something on my phone for a few seconds before turning round and walking the right way.

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I wipe the part of the glass or water bottle i drink from

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When you Saigon the couch and say "I am hungry" but then don't do anything because you are too lazy.

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I have one of those automatic shower cleaners. After I press the button, it beeps 15 times before starting. I have to get out my brush, get out the hair dryer, plug it in, and Turin it on before the 15th beep. Every time.

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when i eat, i sometimes switch which side of my mouth i chew my food with to even it out.

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I eat spoons of dry hot chocolate powder when nobody is around.

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Whenever I fart, I always smell it. But when other people fart, I don't want to smell it.

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When I look at a clear blue sky, I'm convinced that I see little tiny floaty things, and think that I'm seeing air molecules.

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When you do something really cool but no one is there to see it and it's pointless to try and tell them about it because they don't believe you

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Sometimes I beat box when I am alone.

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Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

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disgusted by people that are obsessed with poo and pee

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When I'm in a hurry I brush my teeth while peeing because I think it saves time.

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How funny would it be if plants were trying to kill us but they move too slow to get us

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When I remember something embarrassing I did or even something someone else did, I will yell random words. It started just with gasping but now I have like 5 words that I'll say randomly. It's evolved to include stressful or disturbing thoughts and not just embarrassing things. I have a pretty stressful life so I'm basically continuously making random sounds then looking around terrified that someone's heard.

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Sometimes I imagine how everyone would react if I died.

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When playing Sims, i spend more time building my house, than playing the game itself.

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When in a outhouse I get scared that I can't unlock the door. This one time in the winter the lock froze and I was almost stuck

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sometime i poop in my hand, then put it in the toilet so it makes less noise and the water doesn't splash up my butt.

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I fantasize about my idol as I try to fall sleep at night. He's Michael Jackson.

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When theres a sex scene in the movie I like to jack off to see if I would last as long as the man -deadpool (yogurt)

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I post morals under every one of my new comments. Moral: Duh, I am moral man ffs! What do you expect! Its awesome! If things go at this phase I will be a celebrity in... hmm... in never!

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.