Realise logically that a chicken egg is her period. we eat chicken periods!

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Open the microwave at 1 second left to pretend you're on a bomb squad.

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Peel my mandarin oranges in one try

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I sometimes wonder if im the only living person on earth and everyone else is just there in order to affect my existance -Henry

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I plant my feet firmly when the subway approaches in case a random stranger tries to kill me by pushing me in front of the train.

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Playing TV in bed because if I don't I jump at every noise in the house and don't sleep.

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toilet:a place for reading and going on fb shower:place for singing school:place for sleeping and fuck others.internet:place for shitting brixs.

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Whenever I hear a baby or a young child scream very loud, I imagine that their head will explode.

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Get the feeling that somebody is going to grab your foot when you walk by a bed in the dark...

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Keep trying to defend your point even after you've realized you're wrong in an argument

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When I'm sleeping, I turn and my bed shakes, and I wake up thinking it's an earthquake.

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accidently sleep on my arm and it falls asleep

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When texting someone on the toilet & they ask, "What are you doing?" I respond with, "Oh, just chillin." LOL. -Jade

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I use my phone's auto-correct to make sure the words I'm writing are correct.

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Enjoy picking off scabs, thick skin around your nails, your nails, or the thick peeling skin left from a blister. Admit it, you love it.

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when i watch a movie, and a character in it gos underwater, i hold my breath with that person until that person gets above water, then i let go, either that, after the character comes up from the water, i still hold my breath until i cant take it anymore.

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When I play Sims, I feel like God and wonder if we, in fact, are just the players in God's Sims game. Hmmmm...

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Whenever there is a volume button on something i have to make sure its on a number 5 ie: 0,5,10,15

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Sometimes when I'm sitting next to a random person having a conversation with them (in the car for instance) I imagine myself reaching out and holding their hand. I then get super embarrassed just for having the thought.

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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I kick my shoes off, sending them flying to various parts of the room. I then pick them up and place them neatly beside each other

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dream about the most amazing guy/girl that you have a relationship with and hope it comes true

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When I touch something with one hand I have to touch it with the other in the same way just to be fair to both hands

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I hit the frig after sex

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.