- Things You Think Only You Do

You question gods existence and evolution but then quickly tell herself hes real so you don't get struck with a lighting bolt

I would try to make my pencil shavings as long as possible.

For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

I type things i really want to say to people and then delete them straight away because im too chicken to say it.

Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

I have one of those automatic shower cleaners. After I press the button, it beeps 15 times before starting. I have to get out my brush, get out the hair dryer, plug it in, and Turin it on before the 15th beep. Every time.

always want to tell my friends the nightmares I had but they don't sound as horrible as they actually were spoken out loud and then get annoyed if their no tike 'OH my god! And what happened next...?'

Take a side of bacon and jack off watching Babe.

I like asking my wife how her SIMIANS are doing (the sims 4) because its fun watching her try to hide the fact that it annoys her. Nero, now if you thought Moral Man the Friendly neighbourhood r*pist was bad... Well, thumb me down I dare you! Seriously I totally did not have a certain bitch turkish hacker put a tracker on my laptop si I can find out where you live... And pay some guy to break your kneecaps... I only done it twice though... Here on horsehead network :) Third time is a charm ;) NERO: Actually I paid people five times, the fourth did not do his job, so I pay a fifth to FINISH HIM! (Sometimes I think people on craigslist just like to kill for the fun of it, seriously, eighty bucks?)

Spell Checktells me I spelt something wrong even though I am certain it's right.

Press cancel on your toaster before it finishes so that you can eat faster

I always have to remake my bed right before going to sleep in it

thinking that the 'writing comments procedure' on this website is extremely irritating.

Am I the only one who wrote "free Candy" on the side of my van?

On the train, try and mathematically make (add,subtract,multiply,divide etc.) the carriage number to get to ten

when you are waiting for something to load, you go "please,please,pleas,please,please,please...." and the when it finally finishes you yell "YES!" OF COURSE, ONLY WHEN YOUR ALONE.

I wonder what it wonder be like to have a really tall girlfriend?

Getting secretly pissed off when people don't like your birthday post on their Facebook wall.

If people knew what I am really thinking about while they are talking to me... YIKES!

When I'm in the shower and I hear a noise I automatically think someone broke into my house and killed my family and that they're coming for me and I will have to fight off the killer naked.

Something that bothers me is when a movie sequel comes out and for whatever reason the same things from the first movie happens so they just end up making the same movie

I fill my bathtub up with marinara and then sit curled up in it and pretend that I am a meatball.

Wish that Mexicans would go fix things in their own country instead of coming here unwelcome and demanding things instead.

Wait until my friends are done eating lunch so I don't have to dump my tray alone.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.