shag your mom

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When I'm peeing in the urinal, I aim to the side so it doesn't deflect back on me.

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humiliating little girls

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Eating chicken at KFC.

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I never side with the majority (if given a choice.)

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Walk out of movie thinking that I would be like them some day.

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While trying to sleep I obsess over the little red LED on the TV set which I can't even see unless I lift my head from the pillow.

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Sometimes, I wonder why god or the big bang ever existed in the first place and why there is a universe in the first place ... And it makes my brain hurt!

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Count how many steps there are in a stairwell I use often and then try to take it by same number each time... Eg if there are 16 then always go by twos and missing the others!?!?!?

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when walking up to an automatic door, you sweep your hand towards to the door when it opens, you feel like the Force is with you.

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After washing butt, turn my butt towards the shower and spread butt cheeks apart to wash the soap out of my crack.

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Use the toilet shower to wipe your a**, but denies the fact until death for your friends.

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I hid money in a jar behind a brick in the house I lived in and forgot about it. I've since moved to another state but I didn't remember I left the cash behind until years later.

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When you have the " If I'm on an elevator and it breaks and is about to crash at the bottom, and I jump up before it does, will I live?" thought.

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Randomly flexing random muscles after long time of sitting at the computer

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whenever I play I spy I always use very specific things I spy for example if I would say something starting with D and it would be for dust

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I never take drinks into smelly places, out of fear that the smell will somehow get into my drink and contaminate the taste.

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Tape your dick to your leg to fit into tight pants

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See a ridiculously hot girl and wonder to myself "who is the guy who gets to have sex with her. And why does she like him?" As if that can help me bag an equally hotter girl.

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I can't help spitting into the toilet when I piss, let it drop out my mouth and hit the water to see if I can get it in the center.

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have fake conversations that might happen in the future...so ur prepared

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Tally mark everytime I take a shit.

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Reherse jokes/phrases to say to friends in school tomorrow

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When im alone i rub myself in vasaline and pretend that im a slug on the kitchen floor.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.