If im eating food i shouldnt and i dont want anybody to know i jump if anyone comes in and catches me.

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try not to step on cracks on the sidewalk

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Shake my hands frantically back and forth when watching the microwave count down or the printer print, as if it will make them go faster.

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Two minutes after I text the person I like, I check the message to see what time I sent it and what time the person received it, and estimate that it takes the adverage person about a minute to respond and then another minute for you to receive it. so really, if the person likes you, it would take them about 3 minutes to respond. if its five, you automatically assume they hate you.

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When I am in a car i always think there is massive swords coming out the edge of the car and make everything the same length up

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I never let anything go over the toilet when It's open.

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Think about the things you could do with you had the power to stop the time.

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Whenever I cross the road with someone I try to walk faster then them just in case a car comes it won't drive me over.

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When I wait for something to load, I right click and then quickly try to drag a box around the right click box before it disappears. Then I try to right click and drag and see if I can outline the right click box before it appears.

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Open the microwave at 1 second left to pretend you're on a bomb squad.

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Hate when people ask "do you have a bathroom?" It's like "no we crap in the yard!"

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When I am in class or somewhere boring I start getting thoughts of weird senerios like a group of zombies swamping the place or being hit by an earthquake etc and being one of the surivors. But then i realise that the possibility of that happening is incredibly slim and get depressed. Bananas!

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Okay so probably like everyone else, when Schapelle Corby was found with drugs on her in bali I thought she was innocent but now since she was let out of the prison I am wondering if she did do it?

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Whenever I send or receive texts, I always make it a point to have more received texts than sent ones. It makes me feel popular.

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When the hero of a movie is drowning I hold my breath to see if I would survive.

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Have one of those days where you think it is just a dream but then reality takes over

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I will look up the definition of a word in a text message before I use it just incase I'm using it in the wrong context.

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Doing something, and someone asks you what you're doing, and you realize you can't remember. Then they walk off and the instant they're gone, you remember.

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it is not disgusting to bite your toe nails, it is a skill

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When no one is home, I poop with the door open, just because I can.

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I can't brush my teeth and rinse in the sink right after I flush the toilet, for fear of it being connected somehow, and rinsing with my own piss.

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I act as though I've had movie cameras placed in my eyes and a bunch of people will watch my life as a movie at some point. And so I do a narration voice for them.

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How is it that celebrities no one likes keep popping up on shows everyone likes

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Pretend you are turning Super Saiyan when sat on the toilet

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.