When I tell human garbage that I am the Fallen Angel, they laugh at me, then I make them spontaneously combust. Moral: What moral whore?

thumb_up thumb_down -23

thinking that the 'writing comments procedure' on this website is extremely irritating.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Write things in the air with my finger, and then erase the words with my hand.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

I plant my feet firmly when the subway approaches in case a random stranger tries to kill me by pushing me in front of the train.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

I forget I turned the toaster on and jump when it goes off.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Not eat French fries because I don't like the taste rather than because they are unhealthy?

thumb_up thumb_down -29

You always go to the corner of the shower when the cold water is running.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

rub your face on your legs after shaving to feel how smooth they are.

thumb_up thumb_down -65

When I say, "What?" after understanding exactly what someone said.

thumb_up thumb_down +72

Convince yourself that all of your friends are partying together without you when they dont respond to your text messages.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

I get mad at women because they menstruate and that's gross. I don't judge one woman individually for it, but I'm disgusted with the whole gender, which leads to being almost disgusted with myself for being attracted to them.

thumb_up thumb_down -72

When I'm home alone I open random doors to make sure nobodys there

thumb_up thumb_down +73

Bored. Open refrigerator. Nothing to eat. Open it again five minutes later.

thumb_up thumb_down -43

Force a piss out really hard because you're in a rush.

thumb_up thumb_down -99

Save more than once on your favourite game.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Run into a wall and say "I'm sorry" and then realize that it's just a wall.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

chew on the side of my teeth

thumb_up thumb_down -61

When you buy a car you then see that make/model everywhere.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

sometimes when i wipe my nose a booger will get on my hand then ill get to lazy to get it off and wipe it under my chair.

thumb_up thumb_down -66

wipe your hands on your pants

thumb_up thumb_down +1,406

while I am sitting on the toilet I play with it and waste the toilet paper and of course i just keep flushing it

thumb_up thumb_down -19

I click my teeth to music

thumb_up thumb_down +239

Sometimes I think and feel that I am the most voted man on Horsehead Network, I got no idea why. Moral the friendly r*pist: I dnt know what that means though... Or do I? ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -68

When I see someone I know walking toward me as I'm walking toward them from a long way away, I pretend I don't see them until we're right on top of each other, then, miraculously discovering them, I smile and say, "Hi".

thumb_up thumb_down +123

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.