I never even met you! Why do you care who I'm talking to?

thumb_up thumb_down -42

I sometimes go out of my way to make sure I have my iPhone with me in the bathroom while taking a poop.

thumb_up thumb_down -41

think something you shouldn't, then stop thinking it, because someone might read your mind

thumb_up thumb_down +1,338

If I see a shriveled, dried leaf while walking along the sidewalk I am compelled to step on it and make it crunch.

thumb_up thumb_down +1,616

Never tell her who I was talking to on the phone and watch her nosy butt get upset

thumb_up thumb_down -45

When I am walking and accidentally touch a strangers hand I pretend it never happened -Marquez, P

thumb_up thumb_down -68

For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

my solve media says spare is big but it was space is big

thumb_up thumb_down -9

I throw a piece of paper in the toilet and try to "sink it" either with my "super stream wave" and if it does not work, I unleash my secret (but not always available weapon) "dept charge bombs".

thumb_up thumb_down -39

When peeing, if I get pee on the seat I will flush the toilet before wiping it and then see if I can quickly wipe it and toss the toilet paper in the toilet before it finishes flushing.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

When watching TV shows, I always think about what I would have done differently if I was the character in that particular situation.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Type in 'things you thought only you did' and find this site. Then smile stupidly and click thumbs up everytime you read something you thought only you did.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Accidently send an empty text or text multiple people and send wrong text to wrong person

thumb_up thumb_down -22

I imagine that there are lines coming out from things and I don't step on the lines (columns, buildings, walls, corners, etc.)

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Poo really loud

thumb_up thumb_down -48

Legally changing your name to Peter Jankins just cuz

thumb_up thumb_down -140

Whenever I'm home alone, I dance and sing along to any commercial.

thumb_up thumb_down +71

I hug-squeeze the bread to get all the air out before putting it away.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Think about things I should be doing with my life.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Suck up stuff with the vacuum you know you shouldn't because your too lazy to pick it up.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

I piss excellence, shit suppority and whip myself with greatness.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

When in a room with a bunch of people, see the one person who's extremely cute and then get a random boner and think "GO AWAY GO AWAY GO AWAY"

thumb_up thumb_down -27

When home alone, you feel the need to turn on every light/appliance so you won't hear the serial killer who you are sure hides in your basement

thumb_up thumb_down -171

When I go up the stairs, I always have to end on my right foot. If I have to, I will even hop on one foot on the last stair in order to land on it.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.