I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

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Not sure if im holding on to fart or shit

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I talk to my pet when no one is home.

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I never even met you! Why do you care who I'm talking to?

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I sometimes go out of my way to make sure I have my iPhone with me in the bathroom while taking a poop.

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think something you shouldn't, then stop thinking it, because someone might read your mind

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If I see a shriveled, dried leaf while walking along the sidewalk I am compelled to step on it and make it crunch.

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Never tell her who I was talking to on the phone and watch her nosy butt get upset

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When I am walking and accidentally touch a strangers hand I pretend it never happened -Marquez, P

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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my solve media says spare is big but it was space is big

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I throw a piece of paper in the toilet and try to "sink it" either with my "super stream wave" and if it does not work, I unleash my secret (but not always available weapon) "dept charge bombs".

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When peeing, if I get pee on the seat I will flush the toilet before wiping it and then see if I can quickly wipe it and toss the toilet paper in the toilet before it finishes flushing.

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When watching TV shows, I always think about what I would have done differently if I was the character in that particular situation.

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Type in 'things you thought only you did' and find this site. Then smile stupidly and click thumbs up everytime you read something you thought only you did.

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Accidently send an empty text or text multiple people and send wrong text to wrong person

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I imagine that there are lines coming out from things and I don't step on the lines (columns, buildings, walls, corners, etc.)

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Poo really loud

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Legally changing your name to Peter Jankins just cuz

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Whenever I'm home alone, I dance and sing along to any commercial.

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I hug-squeeze the bread to get all the air out before putting it away.

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Think about things I should be doing with my life.

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Suck up stuff with the vacuum you know you shouldn't because your too lazy to pick it up.

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I piss excellence, shit suppority and whip myself with greatness.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.