Use é instead of e to spell Pokémon

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When at a red you watch the light real close and as soon as it turns green you try to beat the other cars to the other side of intersection

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I sometimes start thinking about very non sexual things in the middle of masturbation, like what I'm going to wear the next day.

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http://www.todayswhatsappstatus.com/

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I have to make a breathing hole for fresh air to come in when I am laying under a hot blanket.

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I masturbate with sandpaper

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When I walking the same direction as other people, I secretly race them and do the sports commentry in my head

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A mix of Slenderman and Herobrine would be the ideal husband for me. >:)

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I always feel like i have to eat something while watching a movie that I've seen so many times.

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After eating a banana I leave the last bit that was in the bottom

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This is kind of embarrassing... after I watched "Truman Show" I went home and talked to my mirror like Jim Carrey does in the film.

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I probably am the only one who does this but I climb on my cat's cat tree to see what it's like to be a cat o.o

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Have a fantasy where Jesus Christ is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole with a lawn dart while Garth Brooks gives birth to something resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus's tummy-tum.

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I like to sleep on the floor; my my cushion is too soft.

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I wonder what a baby is saying when they are telling you off?

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When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

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I'm a man. When I'm watching a movie with my wife and it has a sad ending. I allways have to cry but moments before the actual end has come I allready start to snif my nose so that she thinks I have a cold and do not have to cry about the ending of the movie.

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Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

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make those little rectangles with your mouse on the computer get so close that they are together and you cant see them and try to move to the left or right, keeping the lines together so you cant see them.

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When you were in elementary school you thought people laughed at Uranus because it sounds kinda like urine and then wondered why it was so funny; the two only sound remotely alike.

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Fantasizing about your friends in like 25 years telling there teenage kids about growing up and being friends with you. When you are a huge rich and famous star.

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Show up for a blind date and say DAMN, WTF! When they open the door.

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Cope with serious things by not taking them seriously.

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When the car ride is silent, I wink with my right eye when I pass a sign on the right, and the opposite for the left. And then when there's a double yellow line, I close my eyes.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.