when your professor describes their wife or husband you imagine their wife or husband.

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I piss in the bed every night

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If I have a top comment and I see someone else does, I upvote both of ours; friendly competition.

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Courtesy flush.

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While playing a video game, narrate it explicitly in your head, e.i., stringing together absurd amounts of obscenities and scream them telepathically at your foes.

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Fantasize about being with somebody else when I have sex

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Hold my pen or pencil with two fingers cued against my palm and two fingers sliding up the pen with my thumb in between them.

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if someone i like or want to impress is around i change the song I'm listening to to something that i know they like or something not embarrassing, just in case they ask me what i'm listening to.

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When I'm walking on the sidewalk, I try to count and keep a steady rate of how many times I step on each slab of concrete.

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Still sitting on the toilet 20 minutes after you're done crapping... you're not alone.. -Professor.

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Get worried i'll sleeptalk about the things I'm thinking about and someone will hear, so stop thinking about my deep and personal thoughts i think about before going to bed.

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When i want to write a joke on anti jokes.com i laugh at my friends instead!

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Bathroom occupied, piss in the kitchen sink.

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put a load of loo roll in the loo before taking a dump at work so it silences the landing.

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Sweep up the dirt into the dustpan and sweep the stuff you can't get under the cabinet.

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Sneeze for a few minutes when I've eaten too much.

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Search up google on bing or yahoo because i feel that google is so much better

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I play video games with the controller under the covers.

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I love the We'll Be Right Back jingle on the Eric Andre show.

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losing something in the house, looking for it and then for some reason if I can't find it, I look in all the same places again

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Scratch my ass/armpit and HAVE to smell it.

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when i wake up from a dream and it was an amazing dream. then i try to fall back asleep to have it again...it doesn't work

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When you like your own comment or status', but then you feel kind of pathetic for doing it so you unlike it.

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Whenever I'm scared at night in my room I turn on music. Because the music will keep away people trying to get me. Obviously.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.