Even if it's something as innocent as a simple google search, I'm still inexplicably terrified when my parents draw near and could potentially see it. I silently flip out and frantically hide it like it's porn or something. ..And I don't even look at porn :I

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I don't cut a conversation on the phone short just because I have to use the "facilities". I've mastered the art of being as far away from the toilet while flushing and sprinting out of the bathroom.

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when you pick up something you think is going to be heavy and its like you suddenly have super strength

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Think that everything you do is life is being recorded by secret cameras and you're on a reality show. But you don't actually know. The Truman Show. -Robert

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When I aak someone out it takes me 3-6 attempts to get the words out

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I pee in the water of the toilet to make bubbles

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when your professor describes their wife or husband you imagine their wife or husband.

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I piss in the bed every night

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If I have a top comment and I see someone else does, I upvote both of ours; friendly competition.

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Courtesy flush.

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While playing a video game, narrate it explicitly in your head, e.i., stringing together absurd amounts of obscenities and scream them telepathically at your foes.

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Fantasize about being with somebody else when I have sex

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Hold my pen or pencil with two fingers cued against my palm and two fingers sliding up the pen with my thumb in between them.

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if someone i like or want to impress is around i change the song I'm listening to to something that i know they like or something not embarrassing, just in case they ask me what i'm listening to.

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When I'm walking on the sidewalk, I try to count and keep a steady rate of how many times I step on each slab of concrete.

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Still sitting on the toilet 20 minutes after you're done crapping... you're not alone.. -Professor.

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Get worried i'll sleeptalk about the things I'm thinking about and someone will hear, so stop thinking about my deep and personal thoughts i think about before going to bed.

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When i want to write a joke on anti jokes.com i laugh at my friends instead!

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Bathroom occupied, piss in the kitchen sink.

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put a load of loo roll in the loo before taking a dump at work so it silences the landing.

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Sweep up the dirt into the dustpan and sweep the stuff you can't get under the cabinet.

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Sneeze for a few minutes when I've eaten too much.

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Likes that girggle sound you make after a burp.

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Search up google on bing or yahoo because i feel that google is so much better

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.