When I'm laying in bed in the dark and I close my eyes for a while then when I open them again I quickly scan for a light source just to make sure I can still see.

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Pretend to listen to music, but just do it so nobody talks to me or i simply just ignore them.

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If I'm in my room and I need to fart, I walk into someone else's room and fart in there so that my room doesn't stink up.

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What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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sit on the toilet when taking a crap and play my iPod or laptop at the same time for something to do.

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When I'm on Facebook, I flip between someone's most recent profile picture and their first one, just to see how much they've changed.

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When leaving a poop smear under the water in the toilet that doesn't get flushed away, I put a few pieces of toilet paper on the water surface to conceal it.

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You remember something funny. You smile like an idiot. Everyone around thinks your weird for randomly smiling.

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Whenever I go to close the door to my room, I give the wall opposite me a hard, intimidating stare just in case an invisible person was watching me.

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always get sports injuries, never get any attention from them

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So has anyone else ever been in the middle of doing something and at the exact moment something happens and you sort of wonder if it happened because of what you did.

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Eat something that will make crumbs over the sink because you are too lazy to get a plate

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I kill Solid Snake and masturbate when the Game over screen keeps screaming for my own "snake" "Snake answer me! Snake SNAAAKE!" Me: Answer coming right up and out any moment now! fapfapfap

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Act like your on a cooking tv show when your cooking

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Even if it's something as innocent as a simple google search, I'm still inexplicably terrified when my parents draw near and could potentially see it. I silently flip out and frantically hide it like it's porn or something. ..And I don't even look at porn :I

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If I'm doing something that involves two ppl i race even if the other person doesn't know it and if i win i get a huge ass grin which is awkward sometimes

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i always think people can hear my thoughts.

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When the wind is blowing like crazy, I pretend I am the god who controls it.

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Walk down the street, listening to a song, singing it softly, then thinking 'I might wanna stop doing that before I look awkward', but the wires get crossed and you start singing LOUDER and so on.

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I make different scenarios for different songs I listen to. I pretend the walls and couches are people. I talk to them.

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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Saying "ow" even though whatever happened did not actually hurt, but you thought that it would.

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Worry a lot about the efficiency of your path when walking.

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When I die during an online game I try to cram as much food and drink in my mouth as I can before I respawn. If I have no food I roll all over the bed.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.