Dance in the car just so the person you like will see you and be like "Aw, cute" but then they don't even see you so you stop...

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Pee in the shower

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pinch the tip of my dick when I masturbate.

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I can't piss with my shoes on.

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Before going to the bathroom, check behind the shower curtains for serial killers.

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Have deja vu while talking to someone and then stop listening to what they are saying for a few seconds till the feeling passes, then nod like you have been listening the whole time.

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Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie) Discovering your friend is a total retard (Charlie)

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When someones talking to a group of people that I'm in and says something bad that I do but think nobody else does, I stand perfectly still and don't blink and breath as quietly as possible until the next subject arrives.

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when you wake up in the morning to a text and you read it with one eye open

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The ability to go one hour back in time by concentrating really hard for two hours.

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wonder who wrote these things

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Pretend my life is a videogame.

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Getting the strong urge to "woo" or scream in a large and quiet crowd, such as during church.

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When theres a sex scene in the movie I like to jack off to see if I would last as long as the man -deadpool (yogurt)

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Shake my hands frantically back and forth when watching the microwave count down or the printer print, as if it will make them go faster.

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When in a public toilet, I never leave the cubicle until everyone is either out of the room or in their own cubicle.

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Go up/down the stairs in 10 steps exactly. Talk to an imaginary girlfriend when I'm guilty of something, and she helps me out and holds me till I fall asleep.

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pretend you died to see what your dog would do.

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I take pains to be Anti-Democrat and Anti-Republican. Because both parties are really gross money & career machines beholden to industry. I really am middle-of-the-road on lots of issues. even though I don't understand what the fuck makes an intelligent conservative tick. but I may just be biased because it's all neo-cons on the news. idk.

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Scratch my scalp and look around the place if there is someone watching me (if no one does) quickly smell my fingers

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Having a deja vu, swearing you've seen something before.

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When I see someone who is clearly wealthy, I think to myself "I could do it better than you..."

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Call out the mistakes I see drivers make in front of me.

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Get annoyed when I click on the "popular" button and it's always the same things.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.