Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

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Wishing you were living in that time when men were still gentlemen. Holds doors, brings flowers, chooses you over job.

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Wait until my significant other is in shower and then let loose the longest, loudest fart that's been building in me all night and pray it's muffled by the mattress and the covers.

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Whenever I accidentally drop a glass or cup it always bounces the first time but breaks the second

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Thinking your life is a movie...

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Have a dream that you can breath under water and wake up and be very disappointed

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Turn the fan and/or sink on in the bathroom to drown out the noise from masturbating.

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Have one of those days where you think it is just a dream but then reality takes over

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Sometime when I'm alone, I like to fill my bathtub with marinara sauce and pretend I'm a meatball.

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While in bed, I cover my head with my bed sheets because it makes me feel safe from monsters.

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during texting you set your phone in your lap right before a car is about to pass you so they dont see you texting and driving

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Before going to bed look around the dark room and when you see something suspicious you have a look to see its not a person

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Pretending there is a man running beside you during a long car journey and jumping over obstacles

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Sometimes I look at security cameras and start to act suspiciously like I'm up to something... but really... I'm not.

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you turn the dial on your microwave until it reaches as far as it can go

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Whenever your going down a flight of stairs with two rails, hold the two rails and go from the top step to the bottom.

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Whenever I slurp from a straw I do it a little bit at a time, slowly and steadily so people don't turn at me and give me an annoyed face.

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When I hear something that I could make a great comeback to (if it was directed towards me), I saw it under my breath just to feel full fiilled

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While making yourself something to eat that takes more than 5 minuets to make. Pretending that you have your own show on a cooking station and talk like your talking to the audience the whole time.

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I avoid my wealthy but cool relatives because I don't want them to think I want money

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wipe the bottle lid before i drink because i dont whant to taste what the other person had in there mouth...

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When I used to go on car rides at night I would look up at the moon and I would think it was following us.

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Going to sleep during class thinking that you've written down all your notes, until you wake up and realize you did nothing.

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I sometimes wonder if im a baby and my whole life is just a big dream

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.