Trying to preform oral on yourself.... And failing.

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Stop singing about weed when you see a cop car.

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Show up for a blind date and say DAMN, WTF! When they open the door.

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Walk around downtown and spot good camping spots or sniping spots, cause life is a FPS.

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Hot in bed? Stick one leg out and then wrap it around the top of the duvet

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I feel that getting a 98 on a test is better than getting a 99.

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I like to eat the crust on pizzas

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Right before I go to the dentist I brush my teeth.

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I wonder to myself if other people see exactly the same things as me.

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I can't get out of bed in the mornings unless the alarm clock reads 0 or 5.

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Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

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rub your face on your legs after shaving to feel how smooth they are.

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Thinking that you're the only person on Earth, and everyone else is there just to affect you.

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I always get paranoid when I go to take a shit because I leave the computer on and somebody comes in the room where the computer is.

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whenever im doing sumthing im not suppose to i feel like everybody knows what im doing

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Read things from this page and think to self: "Thank God, I thought I was the only one."

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Remember some homework I have to do... On the day that it's due.

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Play Minecraft

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never wanting to poop in other houses. You have to use your toilet

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think about how different my life would be I if I didn't get married

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having cool friends, but all their other friends are nerds.

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lie on the couch with my head upside-down and imagine what it'd be like to walk around on the ceiling, and if you were to flip the house over so the floor's the ceiling, what you'd have to nail down to keep in place.

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Use a signature that automatically gets me hundreds of red thumbs... Yeah that moral crap...

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I flip the pillow at night to feel the cool sensation.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.