Try to time the traffic light so that when I snap, my light turns green. Always so so close.

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I try to sympathize when some celebrity butthole has problems but, I can't.

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Picking my nose.

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Hoping if I fall asleep on the couch while my family is in the room I dont have a dream about sex and wake up moaning and groaning...

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When my girlfriend ask me what I am thinking about, I tell her I am thinking of all the great things about my last girlfriend.

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When boarding the escalator, I select a specific step before getting on causing a slight queue.

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When I fart in public, I always pretend that nothing ever happened.

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Sometimes I look at security cameras and start to act suspiciously like I'm up to something... but really... I'm not.

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When I play Sims, I feel like God and wonder if we, in fact, are just the players in God's Sims game. Hmmmm...

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Being able to think about great ideas for the world, but not being able to get a math problem done.

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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The older I get the more honest I get

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Counting down on a digital clock, trying to say "0" just as the time changes.

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Trace the letters on the front of your textbooks with your finger.

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Drink half the water in a water bottle and then swish it around pretending to drown little people inside it.

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Stare blankly at your desktop when someone walks in the room so they won't know that you were watching porn lol

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When i'm home, I pretend i'm famous!

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I take receipts out of the ATM's disposal slot in order to see how much money people that I've never met have in their accounts.

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Check every spoon fork and knife in the silverware drawer for spots or old food before you choose which one to eat with

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I really enjoy taking a shit and dont really know why.

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I think about all of the things of mine people will find if something happens to me

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I yawn on command… and hate it. –Ikka

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if someone i like or want to impress is around i change the song I'm listening to to something that i know they like or something not embarrassing, just in case they ask me what i'm listening to.

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When playing Sims, i spend more time building my house, than playing the game itself.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.