I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Not buying a product you might have otherwise been interested in simply because you think their TV ad is stupid.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

I hate other people's mirrors, they make me look different

thumb_up thumb_down -29

I love touching, squeezing and occasionally biting my dog's (read: any dog's) muzzle. I love the texture and the gummy-ness. I also love how pissed he gets when I do it and sneezes after.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Poop naked.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

I like asking my wife how her SIMIANS are doing (the sims 4) because its fun watching her try to hide the fact that it annoys her. Nero, now if you thought Moral Man the Friendly neighbourhood r*pist was bad... Well, thumb me down I dare you! Seriously I totally did not have a certain bitch turkish hacker put a tracker on my laptop si I can find out where you live... And pay some guy to break your kneecaps... I only done it twice though... Here on horsehead network :) Third time is a charm ;) NERO: Actually I paid people five times, the fourth did not do his job, so I pay a fifth to FINISH HIM! (Sometimes I think people on craigslist just like to kill for the fun of it, seriously, eighty bucks?)

thumb_up thumb_down -68

Make the water from your shower shoot from your finger and pretend to be a water-bender.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

When I hear footsteps approaching while I'm sitting on the toilet, I'm getting ready to jump at the door in case I actually forgot to lock it.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Nero the clit collector. What+ you never collected stamps, coins or something? YOUR CRIMES! WHAT ARE YOUR CRIMES FOR FUCKlNG CRIMES SAKE ETC.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

When using the bathroom count the tiles on the floor or shower wall or read a shampoo bottle.

thumb_up thumb_down +73

see if I can hold my breath when walking down a long hallway

thumb_up thumb_down -108

I tuck all sides of the blanket under my body and feet then over my head and leave a fresh air hole so im in a cocoon of blanket.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Sometimes, for no real reason, I'll make strange or funny noises when no one is around.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

I feel like I'm superman every time I run by the counter in the kitchen and the papers on it go flying off.

thumb_up thumb_down -61

stop the microwave when I hear the food popping

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

thumb_up thumb_down -73

DAS RITE MODERFOCKER! NOWUN MESSIS WIF FIRLUPE!!' (throws wine in face)

thumb_up thumb_down -50

wonder if anyone's watching you and try to seem like a decent person

thumb_up thumb_down -34

When you were in elementary school you thought people laughed at Uranus because it sounds kinda like urine and then wondered why it was so funny; the two only sound remotely alike.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

Learning a definition of a word and after that seeing it everywhere.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Whenever I finish reading a book, I feel a great sense of achievement.

thumb_up thumb_down -54

Try to give my download speed moral support: "You can do it! YES, just stay there!" For anyone out there struggling with slow internet.. I feel your pain

thumb_up thumb_down -79

When your friend tells you something, but you don't hear them so you just start laughing.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

If im eating food i shouldnt and i dont want anybody to know i jump if anyone comes in and catches me.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.