stop the microwave when I hear the food popping

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Imagine the perfect video game and wonder why nobody made it yet.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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I read the down voted posts

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DAS RITE MODERFOCKER! NOWUN MESSIS WIF FIRLUPE!!' (throws wine in face)

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wonder if anyone's watching you and try to seem like a decent person

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When you were in elementary school you thought people laughed at Uranus because it sounds kinda like urine and then wondered why it was so funny; the two only sound remotely alike.

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Learning a definition of a word and after that seeing it everywhere.

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Whenever I finish reading a book, I feel a great sense of achievement.

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Try to give my download speed moral support: "You can do it! YES, just stay there!" For anyone out there struggling with slow internet.. I feel your pain

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When your friend tells you something, but you don't hear them so you just start laughing.

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If im eating food i shouldnt and i dont want anybody to know i jump if anyone comes in and catches me.

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I put toilet paper in first before i poop, so the water dosent splash me.

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Read and laugh at about any top comment here... because it happens to me too.

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When I was younger I'd lay in bed & think about who I would pick if a person told me that I had to choose between 2 people and the 1 that I don't choose will die.

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I will look up the definition of a word in a text message before I use it just incase I'm using it in the wrong context.

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Eat or drink something tpretending it's some sort of fuel that'll give you powers.

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Think about the things you could do if you had the power to stop the time.

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When i'm home, I pretend i'm famous!

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Walking down stairs. Accidently miss last step. Feel like you're going to die.

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when dialing a number, i hear the number itself when it is dialed

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When your to lazy try to use the force to pick things up

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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when im in a public toilet and my freinds outside i make loud converstation with them so they cant hear me pee.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.