When I get in the car I look in the backseat for monsters or psychopathic killers and as I am turning to check I say out loud 'Oh, maybe my book is in the backseat, let me check' so the monster or killer doesn't know I'm really looking back there for them. That way they might not kill me.

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when im on my phone in bed my phone always falls on my face -.-

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I'm a female. Sometimes I pee in the shower just so that I can try to aim my pee at the drain. This way I can imagine what it's like to pee with a doodle.

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When I find a new song I like, I listen to it over and over and over; >>Until I run that sh*t into the ground.

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When on a boring car ride, add up all the numbers on the licence plates I see.

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Eat the last bowl of ice cream. Then 6 hours later, you wish you hadn't. (sometimes even open the fridge and check whether you actually ate it or not)

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If someone high fives me on one hand, I need to high five the other one too, or I feel uneven.

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For some reason I really love to be hated on horsehead network, no idea why, stopped questioning it moments ago... Moral: Know what I mean?

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Watch peoples body language and see if they're on the same pace of thought as i am and then try to speed up my thinking to pretend or act like I am realizing something they are not.

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When I remember something embarrassing I did or even something someone else did, I will yell random words. It started just with gasping but now I have like 5 words that I'll say randomly. It's evolved to include stressful or disturbing thoughts and not just embarrassing things. I have a pretty stressful life so I'm basically continuously making random sounds then looking around terrified that someone's heard.

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When approaching a stoplight, I evaluate the vehicles in front of me to determine which ones I think will take off faster so I can get behind them.

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1.Open the fridge...nothing to eat :/ 2.Open the cabinet...nothing to eat :/ 3.Lower expectations..and then repeat :)

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Think that If I leave a big knife out on the counter- or a pair of tights/belt/scarf out in view, I believe that ultimately someone will break in and kill me via the aforementioned items.................and I will only have myself to blame.

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When walking along, I try to race someone walking towards me. For example, a letter box is ahead of me and there is someone walking towards me. I will try and reach the letter box before the other person without looking awkward.. then feel like God if I manage to do it.

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think of who i would kill if i found out i only had a few weeks to live. i.e. sickest criminal alive.

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Pretending I'm on my cellphone in public.

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When watching a heavy action movie and you suddenly start thinking about how much it would cost to repair the damages made in the movie.

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That awkward moment when you thought the other person opened the door for you to go in first, when it was actually for that person.

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Walking past a light switch, but miss when try to turn the lights on so you just keep walking instead.

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Pretend that when you are in the shower, the shower head is a giant machine gun, that takes thousands of men to operate, and that you were an extremely large person and you catch ALL of the bullets in your mouth, spitting them at the shower head while at the same time turning off the water as if they all died, and the small drips that continue to drop out were the dead soldires' blood.....-dillon

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Take a side of bacon and jack off watching Babe.

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pick nose in car and realize people can see you when stopped at a red light

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When you need something from someone and you forget what it's called,So then you have to awkwardly explain it.

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Saying "ouch!" when someone throws something and it hits an inanimate object.. -Sarah

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.