When Ive already talked to somebody , I think of things I couldve said to make the converstion better

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Fake a yawn to see if other people will yawn back.

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When I watch a movie that terrifies me, I usually find myself sitting on the sofa with a kitchen knife in my hand at the end of the movie.

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When you're chatting with a friend while you're walking around and not really paying attention then you turn around to took at your friend and you realise you've been talking to someone you don't even know the entire time.

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Get somewhat worried about myself if I'm thumbed down on THIS SITE.

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If I'm in my room and I need to fart, I walk into someone else's room and fart in there so that my room doesn't stink up.

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Put my hand under the pillow in bed to get orgasm

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I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

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Not sure if im holding on to fart or shit

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I talk to my pet when no one is home.

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fap

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I sometimes start thinking about very non sexual things in the middle of masturbation, like what I'm going to wear the next day.

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Change the channel when a Progressive commercial comes on because I can't STAND that stupid Flo girl.

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I never even met you! Why do you care who I'm talking to?

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I sometimes go out of my way to make sure I have my iPhone with me in the bathroom while taking a poop.

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think something you shouldn't, then stop thinking it, because someone might read your mind

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If I see a shriveled, dried leaf while walking along the sidewalk I am compelled to step on it and make it crunch.

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Never tell her who I was talking to on the phone and watch her nosy butt get upset

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When I am walking and accidentally touch a strangers hand I pretend it never happened -Marquez, P

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Whenever I go to close the door to my room, I give the wall opposite me a hard, intimidating stare just in case an invisible person was watching me.

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I kill Solid Snake and masturbate when the Game over screen keeps screaming for my own "snake" "Snake answer me! Snake SNAAAKE!" Me: Answer coming right up and out any moment now! fapfapfap

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I masturbate evenly with both hands so that my penis doesn't become crooked.

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misread dig bick

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.