Think someone's watching me so I do cool stuff to impress them just in case they are

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Look at the toilet paper after i wipe my ass just to make sure i didn't leave anything behind..

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When taking a shit, I get freaked out in case I get teleported to a place with lots of people by a scientist from the future or something.

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I always have to watch the credits of a movie even, though everyone else has left the theatre and there are people cleaning up the seats, which makes me think, they think i'm crazy.

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Hoping if I fall asleep on the couch while my family is in the room I dont have a dream about sex and wake up moaning and groaning...

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when u see a blond, brown,black,or red head girl u think of a blond,brown,black or red head joke -Randi L.

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A stranger makes me mad. Spend all day thinking about badass things that I should have done/said.

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I think people especially my parents, can hear my thoughts

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How is it that celebrities no one likes keep popping up on shows everyone likes

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Pour the cheap shampoo I can only afford these days into the empty expensive bottle to trick myself I'm still using the good stuff.

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You pause while walking around your house when you're home alone because you think you heard a noise, but then realize it was just you walking.

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When standing on the beach, I try to command the waves to stop.

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Convince yourself that all of your friends are partying together without you when they dont respond to your text messages.

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I masturbate with sandpaper

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Sometimes I think ''Someone somewhere in the world just got slapped'' or ''Someone just took a nasty shit''.

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I sit on the toilet and pretend to tell someone about how awesome my life is when it isn't.

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When I'm fighting with someone and I've ran out of good points, I just start making random noises.

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watch old shows I used to watch when I was younger

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Sometimes I think and feel that I am the most voted man on Horsehead Network, I got no idea why. Moral the friendly r*pist: I dnt know what that means though... Or do I? ;)

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At the peak of orgasm, i used to think that im making out with someone else (like my crush) to make me cum.

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Eat the last bowl of ice cream. Then 6 hours later, you wish you hadn't. (sometimes even open the fridge and check whether you actually ate it or not)

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I have to sleep with my bottom lip stuck to the pillow or my hand so I can breathe.

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you know how everyone talks about making life decisions in the shower and thinking about life?.....yeah thats me on the toilet

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if i put my shirt on backwards, instead of taking my shirt off and putting it on right, i pull my arms in and just spin my shirt.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.