Have to suddenly poop while shopping (mainly in Wal-Mart), but don't feel like traveling far to the restroom. So I kneel down in whatever aisle I'm in, casually shove my heel up my butt, and pick up some random item from the shelf and pretend to be interested in it. Finally, when the poop is secure in my butt, I'll put the item back and continue my shopping.

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I can't brush my teeth with the toilet lid up.

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Use more toilet paper than you need, just because you feel like it cleans your ass more.

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Hang something small in front of the webcam, in case someone is secretly watching me.

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I think about life problems in the shower

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When the vacuum cleaner's going, I try to stay as far away from it and block the noise by shutting doors.

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Poop naked.

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What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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When I watch a movie that terrifies me, I usually find myself sitting on the sofa with a kitchen knife in my hand at the end of the movie.

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incognito mode on google chrome

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run inside after taking out the trash because a monster might be hiding in the big trash can

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"I'll start tomorrow..." wake up and it has been a year later and I still haven't done it.

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Pee extra hard in a urinal when there's someone else in the bathroom so you don't seem weak

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Sometimes, I skim through the Terms of Service just to make sure I'm not selling my soul or promising my first-born.

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When im alone i rub myself in vasaline and pretend that im a slug on the kitchen floor.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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So has anyone else ever been in the middle of doing something and at the exact moment something happens and you sort of wonder if it happened because of what you did.

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After hearing a song, you think, oh i have never heard of that before, and then you start hearing it every single day....

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Pour cereal. Realize there is no milk. You really want cereal so you try it with water. Realize that was a bad idea.

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When you sit down to a great dinner with all your favorite foods and then the nanosecond your ass touches the chair you are instantly he most tired and uninterested in food than you have ever been before

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when i m in a car i'll look at the letters on license plates and try to think of words that you can make-or almost make- with those letters

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Pour a bowl of cereal. Open fridge. No milk. (karky)

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wish you looked like either Kellan Lutz or Bradley Cooper! I wish magic existed now.

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everytime i see a jet stream in the air i pretend that i can shoot a missile with my finger tip that is self guided and tracks down the airplane that made that certain jet stream.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.