Whenever I see a girl, I always do the math for how good they would be for banging

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When I see something on facebook i dont like, I like it just so i can unlike it.

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If I drop a piece of candy on the floor, I have to drop another piece so it won,t be lonely

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When the wind is blowing like crazy, I pretend I am the god who controls it.

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Remembering that you're breathing and then it stops being subconscious so you have to purposely breathe until you stop thinking about it.

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After eating a lot of junk food begin to fear that i'm going to get diabetes.

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I very carefully smell what I'm about to eat before I eat it, but I'd most likely eat it, even if I hadn't smelled it first.

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I like asking my wife how her SIMIANS are doing (the sims 4) because its fun watching her try to hide the fact that it annoys her. Nero, now if you thought Moral Man the Friendly neighbourhood r*pist was bad... Well, thumb me down I dare you! Seriously I totally did not have a certain bitch turkish hacker put a tracker on my laptop si I can find out where you live... And pay some guy to break your kneecaps... I only done it twice though... Here on horsehead network :) Third time is a charm ;) NERO: Actually I paid people five times, the fourth did not do his job, so I pay a fifth to FINISH HIM! (Sometimes I think people on craigslist just like to kill for the fun of it, seriously, eighty bucks?)

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I TALK WITH PEDOBEAR ABOUT OUR BUSINESS ;)

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Love an outfit on others/mannequin, but hate it on me!

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When I'm riding passenger in a car, things I'm driving past will be a part of my imaginary drum kit. When a car passes in the opposite direction, I'll tap my right foot as the bass drum, a drain hole along the gutter is my left hand snare, and the street signs and lights are the hi-hats in my right hand.

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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don't wash my hands after using the toilet because its a waste of time

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Sometimes I stay as still as I can and stare at myself in the mirror until it scares me and I freak out about who I am and why I'm living. I have to think of my family and memories to snap out of it.

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Erasing the history cache on the computer after visiting an x rated website.

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Skip peeing before bed because you dont feel like it, knowing that in about 15 minutes youre going to have to get back up because you wont be able to fall asleep until you go pee.

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When In the car, use th bug guts to ramp up all of the culverts and when you don't have a landing for a while, pretend that you got a speed bonus and are soaring with some amazing air.-dillon

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I never read the Terms of Service. I just click "OK"

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I thought the 2013 film Frozen could have gone longer

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I sometimes try to summon things with the force of my thoughts...I would be so useful...but no way, nothing ever moves.

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when on a bus, pretend to fail to see your acquaintances to get some rest and avoid boring conversations.

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Eat goldfish and cheez-its salt side down.

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arrange certain social situations with attractive girls just to make spank bank deposits.

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You pause while walking around your house when you're home alone because you think you heard a noise, but then realize it was just you walking.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.