Have to catch my significant other when they lie, not because I really care but to prove I'm smarter

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when i eat, i sometimes switch which side of my mouth i chew my food with to even it out.

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wait til the last second to stop the microwave before it dings

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Pick out an object ahead of me on the footpath and guess which foot will step closest to it

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Take baths

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Think that when you're reading something or watching tv some people somewhere are knowing what your watching or whether or not you understand what you just read so you don't wanna reread it to risk looking stupid.

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I drive in the car then suddenly awake from a day dream and realize ive driven for the last 4 miles with no recollection of the journey.

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I use my phone's auto-correct to make sure the words I'm writing are correct.

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How is it that celebrities no one likes keep popping up on shows everyone likes

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Be best friends with someone and tell them all your secrets and then they become best friends with someone else and you hope they won't tell your secrets

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I have a phobia of incest

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when you wave at a car thinking its someone you know and it ends up being some old lady.

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Walking past a light switch, but miss when try to turn the lights on so you just keep walking instead.

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I have had a dream where my teeth fall out.

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check for spiders under the toilet seat before taking a dump

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I don't care about gender stereotypes. Moral: If I want to like Pink unicorns I will like them!

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I am 23 and I still wish the stalk will take back my younger brother

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I don't know why but I really wish I can ride a bike or drive a car through a shopping mall.

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Spend several minutes to write a comment on a website, only to decide not no submit it after all.

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I purposely try to burp as loud as I can in public. –Ikka.

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Tape your dick to your leg to fit into tight pants

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Go to bed with my left nostril clogged, wake up with my right nostril clogged.

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Make pictures on the bathtub wall using the clump of hair from the shower drain.

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get some of the lyrics to a song wrong. you know theyre wrong, but continue to sing the wrong words anyway, because the real words just don't seem to fit.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.