Hatch an escape plan as soon as my date starts to complain about anything.

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After using the restroom at someone's house I turn on the water and proceed to check myself in the mirror while the water runs and sounds like I'm washing my hands then I turn off the water and walk out.

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Ask someone "what" when they tell you something even though you heard them clearly

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Not expecting anyone to come over, some one knocks on the front door, mute the TV and hope they just go away.

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If a donkey and a angle fish where to pro create what would be the out come? They can't mate a donkeys a mammal and a angle fish is a fish

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When serving grilled steak, I always make sure I get the best one.

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When I used to go on car rides at night I would look up at the moon and I would think it was following us.

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Whenever i hear myself in a video or something to me, it sounds way higher pitched than when I hear myself talking Is it just me?

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When In the car, use th bug guts to ramp up all of the culverts and when you don't have a landing for a while, pretend that you got a speed bonus and are soaring with some amazing air.-dillon

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"Hey, did you see that new episode last night?" "Yeah!" "Do you remember that part when he ran through the city?" "Yeah!" LIES

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Sometime if I need to go I would go outside so I don't splash the seat

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if something stands for something, i come up with my own version of it.

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Drink half the water in a water bottle and then swish it around pretending to drown little people inside it.

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I always save a bite of my favorite food for last so that is the taste I have in my mouth when the meal is over.

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when watching a movie in a big screen cinema, i unconsciously look at the bottom of the screen, midway through the movie, expecting to see a time/track/scroll bar. as if it was VLC media player.

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Try stick to something but fail in the end

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Try to balance the light switch between on and off.

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Have a fantasy where Jesus Christ is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole with a lawn dart while Garth Brooks gives birth to something resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus's tummy-tum.

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Whenever I am in a conversation with someone, be it a family member, close friend, or stranger, I nearly always imagine either starting a random brawl with them for no reason (i.e. punching them in the face) or making out with them or something, neither of which I would ever consider doing. Am I alone?

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I say a word and it feels like it didnt roll off of my tongue right, so I keep mouthing the word and saying it quietly to myself or in my head. Then end up saying it loudly in affirmation, possibly more than once.

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Sit there with my hand just resting down my pants casually when I'm alone. It's comfy!

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Made after doomsday plans

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Going to the bathroom in public just to scratch my butt

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Go through a bunch of the boxes with the messed up letters (The ones making sure your not a robot) trying to find one you like. Then, click the refresh button and realize that the last one might have been the best one you were going to get.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.