wait up to 14 days just to find the opportunity to use one, really good, joke.

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when i know that friends are coming to my place the next day i clean up my room and then i'm like...oh i forgot to clean up i'm sorry, it's always in a mess...

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Use the letters on my phone to make words to help me remember important numbers

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fart and talk thinking it will cover the smell

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Cannot even read a word when a blonde lady sits in front of me in a library.

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something happens with a person that u were close to but then they become an asshole, u get mad, and when u stop talking feel really depressed even though u hate them

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Sometimes I lie in bed and wonder what the house would look like upside down.

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I pee in the water of the toilet to make bubbles

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When im blazed i like of all the stupid shit i did that day but always tell myself "its fine, i didnt feel dumb about those things sober"

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I trap my farts under the covers and sniff them all up or cup them in my hand and sniff real hard to get the smell.

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Aim at shit stains whilst I pee.

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Breathe.

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Get somewhat worried about myself if I'm thumbed down on THIS SITE.

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Hit the off button on the microwave three times to simulate the sound it makes when time is up.

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I used to pretent my legs didn't work and pulled myself up the stairs with just my hands.

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Stare off into space in the middle of a conversation

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Try to keep a balloon in the air with out touching the ground, using anything but my hands -Noel

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always check thde back seat before starting the car

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Look at the clock to realize that it seems like the "second" hand is taking longer on the number its on right when you look at it, and/or you looked at the clock at the absolute perfect time. And it happens frequently..

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Pretend my ski pole is a gun while I'm on the chair lift. Or just any object around when I'm not skiing.

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Peeing in the shower

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Flush the toilet right before done peeing so when you're done, the toilet and your pee has been flushed.

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Feel like you're the only one pressured into giving gum away by your friends.

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i always wipe the ketchup off my face with the bread of my sandwich

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.