If someone asks me if I want something and they get up to get it and im sitting down, I say " oh I can get it" eventhough they are already up just to not seem like a lazy piece of shit

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go to the bathroom, turn on the hot water, get undressed so that the water has time to heat up

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Whenever I switch sides on my bed, I feel like when I turn around some scary clown face is going to be RIGHT THERE in my face

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I click that I have read the Terms of Service although I haven't read sheit

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I sometimes rub my scalp rapidly and watch my dandruff fall down like snow.

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no magazine on toilet? read shampoo bottle

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during texting you set your phone in your lap right before a car is about to pass you so they dont see you texting and driving

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When ever I touch something a certain way I have to touch it again exactly like I did the first time

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I'm so afraid of using words incorrectly that I look up any word I'm not sure that I'm using properly before typing it into wherever I'll use it. If the definition is too vague, I abandon the word and try something else.

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Start walking down a busy street or mall, and realise I've gone the wrong way. Suddenly stop and pretend to read something on my phone for a few seconds before turning round and walking the right way.

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wish you looked like either Kellan Lutz or Bradley Cooper! I wish magic existed now.

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When I'm laying in bed and I feel my heartbeat, I turn around so I can't feel it because it makes me feel sick.

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I'm constantly struck with this odd sensation that I didn't wipe my ass well enough.

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Rereading a text message 25 times before you send it to make sure it makes sense.

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When I'm home alone, I get paranoid and think that someone is watching me and I try to act cool and funny just to impress them.

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Never tell her who I was talking to on the phone and watch her nosy butt get upset

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pull the poo out of my butt when im too impatient to push it out

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I sometimes feel someone is watching me and speak towards it in a calming tone, only to again speak to myself telling myself im just being silly... only to turn my head and look behind me just in case.

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When texting someone on the toilet & they ask, "What are you doing?" I respond with, "Oh, just chillin." LOL. -Jade

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Sometimes, I wonder why god or the big bang ever existed in the first place and why there is a universe in the first place ... And it makes my brain hurt!

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When i take off my watch before i go to sleep i smell my wrist.

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when you're fapping and thinking about someone, you either get a text from them moments later, or stop thinking about them because you feel like they are reading your mind.

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Whenever I hear a baby or a young child scream very loud, I imagine that their head will explode.

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RE:" pee on the side of the toilet" you dont pee on the side of the toilet so it isn't loud. you pee on the side so it doesn't splash on you're legs as much.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.