Hearing someone say something but saying "what" because you need more time to think of an answer

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I have autofocus in my eyes.

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When no one is home or if no one is looking you go in the fridge and drink right out of the bottle.

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Saying "ow" even though whatever happened did not actually hurt, but you thought that it would.

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see a old couple in the street and think," i wonder if he still bangs her" lol

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use cleverbot to chat to automated dating chat bots. even if i don't understand swedish.

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I can't brush my teeth and rinse in the sink right after I flush the toilet, for fear of it being connected somehow, and rinsing with my own piss.

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I think Lois Griffin on Family Guy is hot!

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Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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Hate people who don't dress like you because they're not fashionable. Hate people who do dress like you because they threaten your individuality.

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Dad, what's that dark place over there? That's Chorley son, you must never go there.

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Look at the time but have to look again 3 seconds later because you forgot.

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Sometimes when im in my bed and trying to fall asleep, i don´t want to open my eyes in case there is a murderer standing before my bed.

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when you're texting in class and you realize you are staring at your crotch and smiling.

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After peeling an apple, I will put the apple in a zip-lock and hold it through the plastic so my hands won't get sticky while I eat it.

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eat the salt from the bottom of the pretzel bag

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When I'm home alone, turning the TV on so it's not so quiet

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get annoyed by people singing a song only to show off their brilliant voice and automatically think that they cannot sing as good as they think they can

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Sing really loudly and think you hear someone come in. yell "hello" for five minutes before singing again.

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Tried to suck ur own penis

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Constantly hearing your name in public and asking "did you just hear my name?"

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Make sure I put the deodorant top back on the correct way -- you know, so the sticker is to the front.

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Dilikes the Gangnam Style.

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Sometimes when I'm watching a sitcom, I get distracted from the jokes because the characters are in a bedroom and I start focusing on the awesome stuff they have.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.