Tape your dick to your leg to fit into tight pants

If someone asks me if I want something and they get up to get it and im sitting down, I say " oh I can get it" eventhough they are already up just to not seem like a lazy piece of shit

shag your mom

Solving your problems in bed before sleeping and then forgetting all of the solutions when you wake up. This applies to games, homework, and world hunger.

popping the lenses out of 3D glasses and wearing them when your doing homework or studying because it makes you feel smarter.

When I fart I immediately go 'Eww. Who farted? That's gross'. And I blame it on someone else, always works :)

looking at the bottom when i meet foreigners talking among themselves... dang. no subtitles.

Add numbers on license plates of cars around me while waiting at a light.

Inspect the mirrors in store changing rooms in case they are one-way glass. Make faces into mirror as if you know they're back there.

When my cat follows me, I pretend we're a pack or some sort of gang and i would be the leader.

Log onto facebook, notice a family member is also logged on, and immediately log off before they trap you in a never-ending facebook chat.

look at old toys from when you were a kid and remember how they taste.

No ones home. Go to youtube and do karaoke. Can the neighbors here me? Guess im not talking to them ever again...

When I'm running a bath I sometimes sit and look at myself in the mirror and act out conversations with people I've never talked to or celebrities, and when I say something that sounds good I'll repeat it over and over again until I nail huge emotions on my face.

Get worried i'll sleeptalk about the things I'm thinking about and someone will hear, so stop thinking about my deep and personal thoughts i think about before going to bed.

If I turn in a circle I have to turn the other way to balance it out and feel even!

after dialing a number and clicking "call" constanly rehearse what your going to say when the other person picks up the line

When something weird happens I nod in agreement.

When the vacuum cleaner's going, I try to stay as far away from it and block the noise by shutting doors.

you look at someone and they look toward you and you look away quickly then you look back to see if they are still looking.

Wonder what I would have said to my dad if I knew he was going to die

run up the stairs when its night so that the monsters dont catch you

When I'm peeing in the urinal, I aim to the side so it doesn't deflect back on me.

You laugh to yourself when you think you are alone in a street but then you notice somebody in a car looking at you.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.