Accidentally make a weird noise and quickly turn around frantically to see if anyone else hear it.

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I sometimes feel the desire to grab something fragile and - not out of anger, just because it would be funny - hurl it across the room to watch it explode.

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When alone and listening to music I pretend that I am the artist and dance around the room like its the music video or I am on stage.

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when baking cookies I eat waaayyy too much of the dough, to the point that I don't even want any of the cookies when I am finished baking them.

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Wondering who would cry at your funeral

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fart

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i feel relived after i prick and see that hard-white thinggy that oozes outside my annoying acne.

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when i take a shit and smoke i dont throw the cigar in the wc so the smoke wont come to my nose

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Have a dream about somebody being mean to me. Proceed to be mean to them in real life.

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When I have a good dream I can't remember it the day after, but I can remember another dream I had a year ago.

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trying not to laugh when reading things that you do in "Things You Only Think You Do" in fear your parents will mistake your laughter as you fapping.

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Watch peoples body language and see if they're on the same pace of thought as i am and then try to speed up my thinking to pretend or act like I am realizing something they are not.

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I have an unhealthy obsession with and so always talk about Penge North Korea beige mauve and medium density fiberboard. This explains why I'm such a popular guy

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repeat what you just said 2 seconds ago in a group conversation thinking no one heard you

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fart and talk thinking it will cover the smell

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I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because f*ck the NSA.

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I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because fuck the NSA.

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when no one is home I grab my sisters boobs she has big ones I mean it.

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Constantly looking up at a Facebook tab while on another tab to see if you have any notifications or messages.

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I have shown up for a first date in a friends POS car instead of my own to see if she is too materialistic

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I always think I have special powers

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wipe your hands on your pants

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Pretend my life is a videogame.

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Take out all the marshmallows in a bowl of Lucky Charms, eat the "cat food" (the dry cereal that looks like dry kitty food!), then put the marshmallows back in the milk and eat them!

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.