While spending the night drinking with my spouse at home, i put a diaper on so i don't have to go to the bathroom every 5 minutes. I also change it for a fresh one when i go to bed.

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When I'm over at my friends house and they get in a fight with their sibling, I just pet their dog.

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I stick one foot out of my blanket so I'm not hot or cold.

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pee in the side of the toilet so its not as loud.

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When I'm hungry I look in the fridge, but there's nothing good to eat so I shut the door and walk away. Then I look in the fridge again 10 seconds later in the hope that new food has arrived Robbie

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When I'm eating cereal, if some of the cereal gets stuck on the inside of the bowl above the rest I use the side of my spoon to push it down back into the milk.

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I say a word and it feels like it didnt roll off of my tongue right, so I keep mouthing the word and saying it quietly to myself or in my head. Then end up saying it loudly in affirmation, possibly more than once.

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wonder why the word "MORTGAGE" has a T in it?

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Before going to the bathroom, check behind the shower curtains for serial killers.

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The girl I like has just managed to transfer her consciousness into my mind, now being to hear my every thought and see everything I do. Just. Act. Cool.

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When I am walking and accidentally touch a strangers hand I pretend it never happened -Marquez, P

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I giggle in my head when anyone says duty.

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Think about all of the germs that are on restroom doors and water taps.

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when being in the bathroom at night, avoid looking in the mirror

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refuse to like a post because the number is too perfect and you don't want to screw it up

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I really like taking shits.

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put an excessive amount of lead in your pencil

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When you're bored or alone, you think of an argument you had with a friend recently, then think of all the things you should've said and get all powered up inside, but then you realise it's too late -_-

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turn the cover of a magazine around because i have a weird paranoia that the government slipped in tiny cameras on the eyes of the person in the cover.

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Instead of scratching my balls with my hand I rub them vigorously on the bed

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i want to FAWK the SHYT out of that girl

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oh snap, i got a boner. hope nobody notices

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use the hair drier to dry my balls after shower

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When something funny happens think of it a couple days later than laugh,everyone then looks at me weirdly.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.