see a old couple in the street and think," i wonder if he still bangs her" lol

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When going to the bathroom, lock it and when trying to unlock and don't succeed immediately... ITS A TRAP! I'M LOCKED IN MY OWN BATHROOM!!

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Wake up after a dream. About a day later you think about if it was real or not.

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i pull for the chicken when peter and the chicken fight on family guy cause peter is a jackhole

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Wishing you were living in that time when men were still gentlemen. Holds doors, brings flowers, chooses you over job.

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In case you have the ears pierced, take out the piece, and smell it, even if it smells so bad, you like the how it smells... lol

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realize that no one is listening to me talk so I say something completely random to try and get there attention

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I really enjoy spending my birthday alone. I never told anyone that.

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When you lie in bed and imagine scenarios that will never happen.

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when i am in a long car ride i look out the window and imagine im in a sad music video

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When someone sits with crossed legs, I notice their lifted foot throb slightly with their pulse. It is really distracting sometimes.

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Cope with serious things by not taking them seriously.

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Picking your nose to get rid of that annoying whistling in your nose when you breathe.

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I replace every word of a song with the name of my pet

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when i realise for example that my shoes are stinking i get really paranoid and try to cover them under the table or something because i feel that everyone is thinking about it or is covering their nose or stuff

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I hum the MLP:FIM theme and hope no one recognizes the tune.

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Attempting to silently sneak a fart, then it erupts from your anus.

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If I hear a noise, it obviously means there is a monster somewhere in/near my bedroom and the sheets will protect me as long as they cover up to my chin.

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hold my shirt with my chin when i'm peeing.

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Receiving or finding something cool in your dream, then waking up thinking you have it and realize you don't.

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Whenever I fart, I always smell it. But when other people fart, I don't want to smell it.

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When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

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Am I not the one who created an imaginary BAE?

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I enjoy my company, I love myself, which is contagious, people around me enjoy my company, and love themselves. Moral: Thumb me down and prove you are a sad fuck TODAY!

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.