I hate being called "buddy".

Try having a conversation with your friends parents but keep saying yeah the whole time

I'm really picky about how I earn money

Your mom

Sometimes when im lost in thought I twirl a piece of my bangs and stare off in a daze.

Feeling guilty for something you haven't done.

Change the channel when a Progressive commercial comes on because I can't STAND that stupid Flo girl.

when I go shopping I go in the store, get what I need and then I leave I don't browse.

I look really handsome in my mirror, only to find myself looking weird in other mirrors, and like a total retard at photographies.

Sometimes I walk around town and watch peoples TVs through their windows. When they see me and confront me, I try to get a conversation about the show going.

Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

I used to think that if the earth was completely smoothed flat and you had a really powerful telescope if you looked through it you would see yourself looking through the telescope.

when i m in a car i'll look at the letters on license plates and try to think of words that you can make-or almost make- with those letters

I love the We'll Be Right Back jingle on the Eric Andre show.

clean my ears with finger if they feel dirty...eat it.

When you have a stuffy nose, and you put tissue in one nostril so you can breathe.

get some of the lyrics to a song wrong. you know theyre wrong, but continue to sing the wrong words anyway, because the real words just don't seem to fit.

I click that I have read the Terms of Service although I haven't read sheit

I think people especially my parents, can hear my thoughts

Whenever you shave, you make sure you cut both ends of your moustache, leaving a small patch in the middle above your lips. Then you pretend to be Hitler ;)

Hate to type Morals under each one of my posts Moral: A small chick in the hand is better than a huge C**K up your ass. I am pretty sure not even women nor homosexuals want birds up there...Then again, I havent searched for anything like that at the intern... they are eating her! And now they are gonna eat me! OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD! (fly stuck on head)

Domina Olga shows no mercy when she ride your dick

Start to tell a story, but realize that nobody is bothering to listen to you.. So you slowly let your voice fade off

Close the Facebook page, after not having a single message in hours, and re open it in a minute, expecting numerous new messages......

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.