Tape your dick to your leg to fit into tight pants

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If someone asks me if I want something and they get up to get it and im sitting down, I say " oh I can get it" eventhough they are already up just to not seem like a lazy piece of shit

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shag your mom

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Solving your problems in bed before sleeping and then forgetting all of the solutions when you wake up. This applies to games, homework, and world hunger.

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popping the lenses out of 3D glasses and wearing them when your doing homework or studying because it makes you feel smarter.

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When I fart I immediately go 'Eww. Who farted? That's gross'. And I blame it on someone else, always works :)

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looking at the bottom when i meet foreigners talking among themselves... dang. no subtitles.

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Add numbers on license plates of cars around me while waiting at a light.

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Inspect the mirrors in store changing rooms in case they are one-way glass. Make faces into mirror as if you know they're back there.

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When my cat follows me, I pretend we're a pack or some sort of gang and i would be the leader.

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Log onto facebook, notice a family member is also logged on, and immediately log off before they trap you in a never-ending facebook chat.

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look at old toys from when you were a kid and remember how they taste.

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No ones home. Go to youtube and do karaoke. Can the neighbors here me? Guess im not talking to them ever again...

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When I'm running a bath I sometimes sit and look at myself in the mirror and act out conversations with people I've never talked to or celebrities, and when I say something that sounds good I'll repeat it over and over again until I nail huge emotions on my face.

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Get worried i'll sleeptalk about the things I'm thinking about and someone will hear, so stop thinking about my deep and personal thoughts i think about before going to bed.

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If I turn in a circle I have to turn the other way to balance it out and feel even!

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after dialing a number and clicking "call" constanly rehearse what your going to say when the other person picks up the line

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When something weird happens I nod in agreement.

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When the vacuum cleaner's going, I try to stay as far away from it and block the noise by shutting doors.

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you look at someone and they look toward you and you look away quickly then you look back to see if they are still looking.

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Wonder what I would have said to my dad if I knew he was going to die

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run up the stairs when its night so that the monsters dont catch you

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When I'm peeing in the urinal, I aim to the side so it doesn't deflect back on me.

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You laugh to yourself when you think you are alone in a street but then you notice somebody in a car looking at you.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.