make food scream if i chop them up.

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Run up the stairs like a gorilla because it's easier that way.

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Use the massaging shower head on my anus to power blast the poop plaque away

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Go through funny pictures and memes on Facebook, and then accidently miss one and ten when you click to go back you have to go through like 5 more to get back to the one you want.

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Have to take the phone with you everytime to the bathroom

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When I am making submissions to this site I sometimes accidentally put them in the comment section

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Every time I see my self in a mirror, I feel like I'm watching someone in a different dimension and make quick movements to see if they mess up.

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When I walk the streets after getting a new haircut, I think everybody's staring at me and thinking "oh my god she got a new haircut" eventhough they didn't know me before.

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You laugh to yourself when you think you are alone in a street but then you notice somebody in a car looking at you.

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When i think about something hilarious that happened previously and laugh about it days later at the most innappropriate time.

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Like a toy until it breaks.

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Whenever your going down a flight of stairs with two rails, hold the two rails and go from the top step to the bottom.

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before going to a party, i rehearse the conversations i expect to have with the people who will be there (even though those conversations never actually happent)

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when something is lost you check the spot they or it should be at least 5 to 10 times

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when you hear "tartar sauce" you think that it's actually made from tartar -MATT

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When you can feel yourself blushing so you pretend to be preoccupied with something else.

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i cant fall asleep unless i suck my thumb...

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Think of someone you love while trying to fall asleep.

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i always wipe the ketchup off my face with the bread of my sandwich

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If I'm alone, I'll imagine myself as somebody else an start acting as if I'm in a different life, complete with different people and places because in my imagination, I get to control what is going to happen next. Because, my imagination is way better than my reality.

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I find it easiest to read or study while sitting on the toilet.

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Think up a come back three days after it would have been useful.

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Will use delayed foot-to-ass insults on verbal bullies. You know, the kind that goes off in the persons head days or weeks after they thought they won an argument with me.

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Wasting a whole bunch of time trying to find how to make one and realizing it was at the top and that you forgot what you were going to put in the first place.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.