I got a lot of high rated entries, but they dont contain Moral: This.

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go to the bathroom, turn on the hot water, get undressed so that the water has time to heat up

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I take pains to be Anti-Democrat and Anti-Republican. Because both parties are really gross money & career machines beholden to industry. I really am middle-of-the-road on lots of issues. even though I don't understand what the fuck makes an intelligent conservative tick. but I may just be biased because it's all neo-cons on the news. idk.

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While in bed, I cover my head with my bed sheets because it makes me feel safe from monsters.

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Stare at something long enough thinking it will eventually move.

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Wonder if the life your living is one long dream and your gonna wake up and be some type of alien.

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Blow on your ice cream for no apparent reason before you eat it.

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Whenever I cross the road with someone I try to walk faster then them just in case a car comes it won't drive me over.

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Say to yourself "I really should get that work done" then do nothing about it

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Say what even when u heard someone

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Playing with a tiny piece of loose skin in the middle of my upper lip.

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Cross the street or go some other way to avoid the awkward moment of long lasting side by side walking (a move known as the 'overtake') when walking right behind someone who is slightly slower than you.

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If im taking a crap in the public washrooms and someone walks in I try to make covering noise as soon as its about to plop.

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Sometimes if I am by myself at the house or in the car I will act completely insane and absurd. This usually involves me screaming incoherent babble, whole body twitching, making absurd faces and doing this thing where I bite my tongue and shake my head violently. If any normal person saw me they would either think I am having a seizure or currently possessed by Satan.

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Thinking you're very popular after you have owned someone at school.

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Being stuck in a traffic jam and wishing I could just apparate

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When someone sits with crossed legs, I notice their lifted foot throb slightly with their pulse. It is really distracting sometimes.

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get bored so I fist myself for money

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feel like your calculator is judging/making fun of you for looking up simple equations

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When i lie, i try not to swallow because i think they'll notice - John

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When your watching a YouTube video and you have to watch an AD, you mute it and turn your head away because your just that pissed off at the company.

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When passed by a very attractive girl in the street, turn around and look after her and/or follow her to the next street corner, in order to grasp more of her beauty.

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have you ever thought of a relative when masturbating?

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Buy something and try to save it for an event of some kind and end up failing to do so, every darn time too.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.