I hate being called "buddy".

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Try having a conversation with your friends parents but keep saying yeah the whole time

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I'm really picky about how I earn money

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Your mom

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Sometimes when im lost in thought I twirl a piece of my bangs and stare off in a daze.

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Feeling guilty for something you haven't done.

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Change the channel when a Progressive commercial comes on because I can't STAND that stupid Flo girl.

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when I go shopping I go in the store, get what I need and then I leave I don't browse.

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I look really handsome in my mirror, only to find myself looking weird in other mirrors, and like a total retard at photographies.

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Sometimes I walk around town and watch peoples TVs through their windows. When they see me and confront me, I try to get a conversation about the show going.

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Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

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I used to think that if the earth was completely smoothed flat and you had a really powerful telescope if you looked through it you would see yourself looking through the telescope.

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when i m in a car i'll look at the letters on license plates and try to think of words that you can make-or almost make- with those letters

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I love the We'll Be Right Back jingle on the Eric Andre show.

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clean my ears with finger if they feel dirty...eat it.

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When you have a stuffy nose, and you put tissue in one nostril so you can breathe.

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get some of the lyrics to a song wrong. you know theyre wrong, but continue to sing the wrong words anyway, because the real words just don't seem to fit.

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I click that I have read the Terms of Service although I haven't read sheit

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I think people especially my parents, can hear my thoughts

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Whenever you shave, you make sure you cut both ends of your moustache, leaving a small patch in the middle above your lips. Then you pretend to be Hitler ;)

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Hate to type Morals under each one of my posts Moral: A small chick in the hand is better than a huge C**K up your ass. I am pretty sure not even women nor homosexuals want birds up there...Then again, I havent searched for anything like that at the intern... they are eating her! And now they are gonna eat me! OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD! (fly stuck on head)

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Domina Olga shows no mercy when she ride your dick

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Start to tell a story, but realize that nobody is bothering to listen to you.. So you slowly let your voice fade off

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Close the Facebook page, after not having a single message in hours, and re open it in a minute, expecting numerous new messages......

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.