I asked telemarketers for their home number so I can call them at home and disturb THEM while they're relaxing with THEIR family

taking a shit while brushing my teeth.

Sometimes hold a piece of chocolate between your fingers until it melts then lick the yummy gooeyness off your fingers

I love to garden and I love flowers. I refuse to have a window box because I don't want those creepy Sesame Street twiddlebugs to live that close to my house.

I combine every item on my plate in all the possible ways, then i eat the worst part of the meal and save the best part til last.

Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

When I notice that I have just breathed in/out, for the next minute or so I feel like I have to make a conscious effort to keep breathing.

Think about Facebook chats when your offline!? P.S Am I the only one, REALLY!

Every time you use a vending machine you hope you get lucky and 2 things drop down.

Lay down in bed and get comfortable and then realize you have to pee.

eat chicken, lamb anything with bones with a knife and fork while avoiding using your hands because it makes them dirty

I always save a bite of my favorite food for last so that is the taste I have in my mouth when the meal is over.

Boy:did it hurt? Me: Did what hurt? Boy:When you fell from heaven. Me: I came frome the pits of hell! Boy: Well then...O__O

When reading something on the internet highlighting the words, they don't even have to be what you'r reading just highlighting large sections of the article at random.

When I am surfing the web and i go to another website i see an ad that was about something i just viewed from previous website I wonder if a little man is inside my pc keeping catalog of every website that i visit.

feel that the horsehead network captchas can read my mind. kind of scary.

Go to get a drink and by the time you get there you already forgot what you were doing.

Flexing your abs when you put on deodorant so you dont look fat

I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

looking at the last page of thingsyouthinkonlyyoudo.com to see how weird some people are...

Think it's awesome when I look at a clock and it reads the same numbers that my address starts with.

Being all alone in your house and your mind starts to believe its haunted.

I make a mental note NOT to buy the product or service if I feel they are trying to brainwash me with their ads.

I freak myself out during class/assembly/family dinners that someone there can read my mind, then just on cue I start thinking about sex and have to change my train of thought before they think I'm strange. Then I go round in a circle (clockwise of course) and scream their names in my head to see if they look so I know who reads minds.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.