see a old couple in the street and think," i wonder if he still bangs her" lol

When going to the bathroom, lock it and when trying to unlock and don't succeed immediately... ITS A TRAP! I'M LOCKED IN MY OWN BATHROOM!!

Wake up after a dream. About a day later you think about if it was real or not.

i pull for the chicken when peter and the chicken fight on family guy cause peter is a jackhole

Wishing you were living in that time when men were still gentlemen. Holds doors, brings flowers, chooses you over job.

In case you have the ears pierced, take out the piece, and smell it, even if it smells so bad, you like the how it smells... lol

realize that no one is listening to me talk so I say something completely random to try and get there attention

I really enjoy spending my birthday alone. I never told anyone that.

When you lie in bed and imagine scenarios that will never happen.

when i am in a long car ride i look out the window and imagine im in a sad music video

When someone sits with crossed legs, I notice their lifted foot throb slightly with their pulse. It is really distracting sometimes.

Cope with serious things by not taking them seriously.

Picking your nose to get rid of that annoying whistling in your nose when you breathe.

I replace every word of a song with the name of my pet

when i realise for example that my shoes are stinking i get really paranoid and try to cover them under the table or something because i feel that everyone is thinking about it or is covering their nose or stuff

I hum the MLP:FIM theme and hope no one recognizes the tune.

Attempting to silently sneak a fart, then it erupts from your anus.

If I hear a noise, it obviously means there is a monster somewhere in/near my bedroom and the sheets will protect me as long as they cover up to my chin.

hold my shirt with my chin when i'm peeing.

Receiving or finding something cool in your dream, then waking up thinking you have it and realize you don't.

Whenever I fart, I always smell it. But when other people fart, I don't want to smell it.

When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

Am I not the one who created an imaginary BAE?

I enjoy my company, I love myself, which is contagious, people around me enjoy my company, and love themselves. Moral: Thumb me down and prove you are a sad fuck TODAY!

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.