Hearing someone say something but saying "what" because you need more time to think of an answer

I have autofocus in my eyes.

When no one is home or if no one is looking you go in the fridge and drink right out of the bottle.

Saying "ow" even though whatever happened did not actually hurt, but you thought that it would.

see a old couple in the street and think," i wonder if he still bangs her" lol

use cleverbot to chat to automated dating chat bots. even if i don't understand swedish.

I can't brush my teeth and rinse in the sink right after I flush the toilet, for fear of it being connected somehow, and rinsing with my own piss.

I think Lois Griffin on Family Guy is hot!

Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

Hate people who don't dress like you because they're not fashionable. Hate people who do dress like you because they threaten your individuality.

Dad, what's that dark place over there? That's Chorley son, you must never go there.

Look at the time but have to look again 3 seconds later because you forgot.

Sometimes when im in my bed and trying to fall asleep, i don´t want to open my eyes in case there is a murderer standing before my bed.

when you're texting in class and you realize you are staring at your crotch and smiling.

After peeling an apple, I will put the apple in a zip-lock and hold it through the plastic so my hands won't get sticky while I eat it.

eat the salt from the bottom of the pretzel bag

When I'm home alone, turning the TV on so it's not so quiet

get annoyed by people singing a song only to show off their brilliant voice and automatically think that they cannot sing as good as they think they can

Sing really loudly and think you hear someone come in. yell "hello" for five minutes before singing again.

Tried to suck ur own penis

Constantly hearing your name in public and asking "did you just hear my name?"

Make sure I put the deodorant top back on the correct way -- you know, so the sticker is to the front.

Dilikes the Gangnam Style.

Sometimes when I'm watching a sitcom, I get distracted from the jokes because the characters are in a bedroom and I start focusing on the awesome stuff they have.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.