When someone wants to kill a bug, I'll get insane and catch the bug, then run out and release the bug while saying "NOW YOU'RE FREE!!!!!"

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Spend a ton of time on the way you look and the clothes you choose, then going out in public and imagining you're a celeb.

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Turn on the faucet and/or fan when using the toilet at someone else's house or at my own place when there is a visitor because I don't want them to hear me peeing.

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I prefer to masturbate by putting a fleshlight under my stuffed-toy smurfette's dress and pretend to smurf her.

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Spray my perfume under my arms so if I sweat then it smells like perfume.

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On an one night if I come too fast .je persuade the girl that I have to forget my cellular in my automobile and I get out

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Put the porn sound in a really low volume even when you have headphones, just to make sure noone can hear it. Then take off the headphones once in a while to check if it sounds too loud.

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Realise logically that a chicken egg is her period. we eat chicken periods!

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When the car runs over bumps in the road on the freeway, they sound like horses hooves, so I pretend my car's being pulled by invisible horses.

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Sing really loudly and think you hear someone come in. yell "hello" for five minutes before singing again.

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When posting these, I'm rarely able to read the words/letters in the box that prove you're human and not some computer virus. Now I'm starting to think I'm not a human......

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Every time I walk up the stairs in my own house, I feel compelled to do it on all fours.

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watch lesbian porn instead of normal because you hate have other men in the picture

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I always thought Diane Ross sang '76 why don't ya babe, get out my life why don't ya babe'.

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start telling someone a story and then realize that i would only be funny if they actually saw it.

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think that the whole world is a dollhouse and we are being controlled by giant people above who live in a whole differnt world

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When I am driving and I see another car being pulled over I think "Oh, so I am not the only one"

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in my mind prisms are called pink floyd.

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Smoking a cigarette on the toilet and then accidentally ashing directly into your panties. Everytime.

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I flick through the channels on my TV really fast to try and make a complete sentence.

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Happy April 28th everyone! Today is the first day of the rest of your lives, a time for new beginnings to run wild, a time to put a final ending to the past mistakes and troubling thoughts that may have been clouding your mind for far too long until now... The time is here, The time is now, Today is the day, Right here, right now, Right this moment, This is the right time... This, IS THE TIME TO DECIDE... To take time to make time, and let time pass by while you try to decide on how you wanna live your life? Falling into the same patterns as time before, and as will be, time after time? OR, simply, you can choose to LIVE... letting yourself have the time of YOUR LIFE!!! =) The choice is yours, what will you decide??? <3

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Tape your dick to your leg to fit into tight pants

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I hum the MLP:FIM theme and hope no one recognizes the tune.

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Whenever I watch TV, the volume has to be on multiples of 5. Even if the perfect volume is in between.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.