I gotta get down of Friday

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Find that the kettle has recently been used and still contains hot water so decide to have a cup of tea just so that boiling that water wasn't a waste. Think that it might have cooled down by now. Reboil the water.

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say to my friend do you ever think that someone else is thinking the same thing that they are thinking at this moment in time and then SHYT in there mouth. Normally they gurggle it in their throat, before swallowing it and making a pedo face, and sometimes i bike naked and shit on cars with diorrea so it explodes on the windows.

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Meet a really cool girl imagine the rest of my life with her.

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Wasting a whole bunch of time trying to find how to make one and realizing it was at the top and that you forgot what you were going to put in the first place.

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When calling someone you hang up after 3 or 4 rings because you're tired of waiting rather than it being time to leave a message.

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eat curry and don't complain about its spiciness ...if you're not white

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I feel like people next to me can read my mind so if I start thinking about something sexual it feels super awkward

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Feeling self conscious about breathing to loudly

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I never read the terms and conditions but I say I have

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Boy:did it hurt? Me: Did what hurt? Boy:When you fell from heaven. Me: I came frome the pits of hell! Boy: Well then...O__O

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When you are almost crying while laughing in a silent area, you have to think terrible thoughts just to get rid of the laughing.

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When im in a public toilet, i try not to make any sounds when taking a crap, not even a fart, so that when i come out no one will think i was taking a crap.

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1.Open the fridge...nothing to eat :/ 2.Open the cabinet...nothing to eat :/ 3.Lower expectations..and then repeat :)

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Say 'WED', 'NES' and 'DAY' slowly in your head when spelling Wednesday.

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Sitting next to a banana called James

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Picking your dogs booger for him/her

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Try to move your head to line up specks on the windshield with objects outside.

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Normally I can do a specific task no problem but when someone is watching and I know that they are watching I screw up.

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When I go to somewhere like France I always wittily comment to my friend " oh look at all those bloody foreigners as I have always thought they were tougher on immigrants

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suddenly get stage fright when in a public bathroom stall and break the awkward silence by pretending you just went in there to get loo paper to blow your nose.

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try to only take one step on each sidewalk square.

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At school I go along with the norm even though inside I HATE it!!!!

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I think of unbelievably perverted things seconds before I am about to cum when masturbating.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.