I have shown up for a first date in a friends POS car instead of my own to see if she is too materialistic

sometimes when I listen to a song while riding in the car I look out the window and pretend I'm in some angsty music video

Sometimes I wipe my butt so violently that my finger goes through the toilet paper and into my butt hole. I enjoy it and question my sexuality. ;)

When I'm on Facebook, I flip between someone's most recent profile picture and their first one, just to see how much they've changed.

Realizing that when you look behind a shower curtain before using the bathroom and actually see a Serial killer, you have no plan...

Think "When are we ever going to use this in our life?" while sitting bored in school.

I throw a piece of paper in the toilet and try to "sink it" either with my "super stream wave" and if it does not work, I unleash my secret (but not always available weapon) "dept charge bombs".

sometimes when im in the shower and i hear the slightest bump i look behind the curtains to see if anyone is about to scare me

I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

I control water in the shower.

Leftovers are better than the actual meal ;)

When you walk across a cross walk and you stretch your steps so it takes one step for each line, yet you still try to look casual because ur in public

I never find things funny unless I'm in a completely silent room, and it is then that I think or see something funny and begin to almost cry of laughter.

when you have just ended a argument with someone and you think what else you could of said that would have been better to say

Say "what?" when you know what they said, then answer before they can respond. I do it because it takes me a second to figure out what they said and so my immediate response it "what?".

Hearing someone singing a song and stopping midway, so you need to finish it.

Going to a friends house for the weekend, coming home and checking the fridge/pantry for new foods.

Fear that the CIA is secretly wathing you.

When at a restaurant you practice your order inside your head, then when you actually have to order you mess it up.

put an excessive amount of lead in your pencil

Race the microwave. Not literally, by the way.

I sometimes start thinking about very non sexual things in the middle of masturbation, like what I'm going to wear the next day.

instinctively thumb down long posts without reading them.

I sometimes wonder if the world is even real.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.