I have shown up for a first date in a friends POS car instead of my own to see if she is too materialistic

thumb_up thumb_down -64

sometimes when I listen to a song while riding in the car I look out the window and pretend I'm in some angsty music video

thumb_up thumb_down -151

Sometimes I wipe my butt so violently that my finger goes through the toilet paper and into my butt hole. I enjoy it and question my sexuality. ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -2

When I'm on Facebook, I flip between someone's most recent profile picture and their first one, just to see how much they've changed.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Realizing that when you look behind a shower curtain before using the bathroom and actually see a Serial killer, you have no plan...

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Think "When are we ever going to use this in our life?" while sitting bored in school.

thumb_up thumb_down +133

I throw a piece of paper in the toilet and try to "sink it" either with my "super stream wave" and if it does not work, I unleash my secret (but not always available weapon) "dept charge bombs".

thumb_up thumb_down -37

sometimes when im in the shower and i hear the slightest bump i look behind the curtains to see if anyone is about to scare me

thumb_up thumb_down -12

I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

thumb_up thumb_down -109

I control water in the shower.

thumb_up thumb_down +73

Leftovers are better than the actual meal ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -51

When you walk across a cross walk and you stretch your steps so it takes one step for each line, yet you still try to look casual because ur in public

thumb_up thumb_down -55

I never find things funny unless I'm in a completely silent room, and it is then that I think or see something funny and begin to almost cry of laughter.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

when you have just ended a argument with someone and you think what else you could of said that would have been better to say

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Say "what?" when you know what they said, then answer before they can respond. I do it because it takes me a second to figure out what they said and so my immediate response it "what?".

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Hearing someone singing a song and stopping midway, so you need to finish it.

thumb_up thumb_down -98

Going to a friends house for the weekend, coming home and checking the fridge/pantry for new foods.

thumb_up thumb_down -66

Fear that the CIA is secretly wathing you.

thumb_up thumb_down -62

When at a restaurant you practice your order inside your head, then when you actually have to order you mess it up.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

put an excessive amount of lead in your pencil

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Race the microwave. Not literally, by the way.

thumb_up thumb_down -71

I sometimes start thinking about very non sexual things in the middle of masturbation, like what I'm going to wear the next day.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

instinctively thumb down long posts without reading them.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

I sometimes wonder if the world is even real.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.