I keep on trying to imagine how long eternity is for when I go to Heaven. It never ends...

thumb_up thumb_down -48

When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

thumb_up thumb_down -89

I ejaculate fire and glory

thumb_up thumb_down -64

Stick my tongue inside the ramen noodle flavor bag when im dne with it.

thumb_up thumb_down -130

try and open the microwave right before it finishes.

thumb_up thumb_down -48

Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

thumb_up thumb_down -39

I take a dump and then look to see how big it is.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Anytime I walk in anyplace with cracks in the ground (tiled floors, cement squares, etc.) I do my best to avoid stepping on cracks in fear of something happening if I do.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Dad, what's that dark place over there? That's Chorley son, you must never go there.

thumb_up thumb_down -66

Think long and hard about something but then realise you don't care

thumb_up thumb_down -18

I like to turn the lights off in the bathroom, actually block every little bit of light I possibly can, then take a nice warm shower, curl up on the floor, block my ears and enjoy the warm water and sensory deprivation.

thumb_up thumb_down -62

Get annoyed when I click on the "popular" button and it's always the same things.

thumb_up thumb_down -54

hate it when the bottom of you foot is itchy because it feels wrong to scratch it.

thumb_up thumb_down -67

I wonder what a baby is laughing about when they are apparently being entertained by something in the room I can't see

thumb_up thumb_down -2

I sometimes feel the desire to grab something fragile and - not out of anger, just because it would be funny - hurl it across the room to watch it explode.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

No ones home. Go to youtube and do karaoke. Can the neighbors here me? Guess im not talking to them ever again...

thumb_up thumb_down -50

When I get bored of sex and p*rn, I download animal "mating" stuff for variation.

thumb_up thumb_down -52

While in bed, I cover my head with my bed sheets because it makes me feel safe from monsters.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

When I'm crying i look in the mirror to see what i look like while I'm crying

thumb_up thumb_down +86

Chew as quietly as possible when eating cookies but as loud as possible when eating fruit.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

In the shower i let water run down my hands so it looks like i'm shooting water out of my fingers.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

when someone goes underwater in a movie I like to hold my breath and see if I would have survived in that situation, I almost died during Finding Nemo

thumb_up thumb_down +11

give speeches in the sower for random awards you will never receive.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

When I'm driving through traffic lights that are green, I use my psychic powers to make them change so no one behind me gets through.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.