Before I meet someone I've never met before, I think of stuff to say or do to prevent it from being awkward, but when I finally meet them I do none of the things I thought about doing.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

I always ask myself "Why am I me?". But have never come up with a good answer.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

At the gym, I always try to do 5 pounds more than the previous person.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

I never find things funny unless I'm in a completely silent room, and it is then that I think or see something funny and begin to almost cry of laughter.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

If someone tells me what I did when I was drinking and it's stupid or embarrassing I pretend I don't remember because I was too drunk.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

thinking that the 'writing comments procedure' on this website is extremely irritating.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

When I am in class or somewhere boring I start getting thoughts of weird senerios like a group of zombies swamping the place or being hit by an earthquake etc and being one of the surivors. But then i realise that the possibility of that happening is incredibly slim and get depressed. Bananas!

thumb_up thumb_down -12

When you have a stuffy nose, and you put tissue in one nostril so you can breathe.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Try to find the perfect stride length so you don't have to walk all weird to avoid stepping on a sidewalk crack. Fail miserably but keep walking weird.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

When I'm alone, I just randomly say "I know you're there so I would look awesome if someone was actually there.

thumb_up thumb_down +58

become increasingly panicked when its dark and you cant find the door handle.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

After eating a sandwich, eat the leftover sesame seeds one-by-one.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Get excited when the captcha says something related to whatever you're posting

thumb_up thumb_down -23

Drinking and dialing people I dated.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

I lift my butt when I'm farting

thumb_up thumb_down -40

turn off the tv by accident and then turn it on only to find that it takes forever to work again

thumb_up thumb_down -39

When on a long car ride, i tend to look out the window and imagine that i am running on the side of the car and doing flips and other types of parkour to keep up with my car...

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Write b as d and d as b or p as q and q as p. I mostly write b as d and d as b since I've learned the alphabet. Trying not to do that now

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Turn off light in bed... notice something you haven't seen before. IT'S SLENDERMAN You turn the light back on and realized it was a lamp

thumb_up thumb_down

When going to the bathroom, lock it and when trying to unlock and don't succeed immediately... ITS A TRAP! I'M LOCKED IN MY OWN BATHROOM!!

thumb_up thumb_down -110

When I'm walking in the street and I hear a car coming from behind I try to beat it by running to the closest telephonepole.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

When A situation Doesn't go how I wanted it to go, It annoys me so much I sometimes shit in my hands and clap.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

I hate it when people assume I'm smart just because I don't speak much and I wear glasses.

thumb_up thumb_down -75

Pretend that when you are in the shower, the shower head is a giant machine gun, that takes thousands of men to operate, and that you were an extremely large person and you catch ALL of the bullets in your mouth, spitting them at the shower head while at the same time turning off the water as if they all died, and the small drips that continue to drop out were the dead soldires' blood.....-dillon

thumb_up thumb_down +64

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.