In a meeting at work, you imagine throwing coffee into your boss's face, just to see what he would do.

Coughing really loud to cover up the sound of your fart, then shitting your pants.

I always have excellent manners when eating around others, but when I'm alone I eat like a pig and have no manners.

sometimes i sing and when i do , i make drum sounds with my teeth and you know, all that stuff

Telling yourself that starting tomorrow you will start to exercise and eat better, but never doing it.

Open the fridge, nothing there, close fridge, open again just to make sure nothing has magically appeared

Stalk people on facebook, find out something interesting, and later claim that it 'came up on your newsfeed'.

Check the toilet paper after wiping your ass

When tapping, I always have to do the same pattern of taps, and I feel incomplete if I don't finish the pattern I started.

If I hear a noise, it obviously means there is a monster somewhere in/near my bedroom and the sheets will protect me as long as they cover up to my chin.

Imagining how it would feel to switch bodies with your crush

Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

having cool friends, but all their other friends are nerds.

I take pains to be Anti-Democrat and Anti-Republican. Because both parties are really gross money & career machines beholden to industry. I really am middle-of-the-road on lots of issues. even though I don't understand what the fuck makes an intelligent conservative tick. but I may just be biased because it's all neo-cons on the news. idk.

Stop at traffic lights thinking it will close soon, when actually remains only 5s to close second and u run like crazy.

Smell my fingers after I pick u pennies or unlock the door with my keys!

Before I meet someone I've never met before, I think of stuff to say or do to prevent it from being awkward, but when I finally meet them I do none of the things I thought about doing.

I think of unbelievably perverted things seconds before I am about to cum when masturbating.

Whenever I'm scared at night in my room I turn on music. Because the music will keep away people trying to get me. Obviously.

I wear my boxers so I can poop through the pee hole

Sometimes when I'm sitting next to a random person having a conversation with them (in the car for instance) I imagine myself reaching out and holding their hand. I then get super embarrassed just for having the thought.

I think something is gonna get me at night when I walk out of my brothers roomso I look behind me and run and usually bump into a wall

Cringe when remembering something weird about you that happened years ago

When someone sits with crossed legs, I notice their lifted foot throb slightly with their pulse. It is really distracting sometimes.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.