Feeling sorry for inanimate objects

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if your listening to music, move the volume up and down to experience the bass a lil better

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Walk into a public bathroom and go to the urinal, but then stop and think theres some guy who will perv on you and then go in the cubicle.

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i feel all weird and sad when i thing about my old belongings.

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I turn on the faucet or turn up the radio in the bathroom so maybe no one can hear me pee.

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There's this reassuring voice in my head. She's almost like a mother, telling me that it'll be alright and that I have things to do.

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I want to suck on your penis

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Happy April 28th everyone! Today is the first day of the rest of your lives, a time for new beginnings to run wild, a time to put a final ending to the past mistakes and troubling thoughts that may have been clouding your mind for far too long until now... The time is here, The time is now, Today is the day, Right here, right now, Right this moment, This is the right time... This, IS THE TIME TO DECIDE... To take time to make time, and let time pass by while you try to decide on how you wanna live your life? Falling into the same patterns as time before, and as will be, time after time? OR, simply, you can choose to LIVE... letting yourself have the time of YOUR LIFE!!! =) The choice is yours, what will you decide??? <3

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Hatch an escape plan as soon as my date starts to complain about anything.

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put wood glue on my hand, blow it dry and peel it off to make fake skin

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Solving your problems in bed before sleeping and then forgetting all of the solutions when you wake up. This applies to games, homework, and world hunger.

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When I walk the streets after getting a new haircut, I think everybody's staring at me and thinking "oh my god she got a new haircut" eventhough they didn't know me before.

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I like to lather my entire body with Nutella and put paper in my hands and stand there acting like a tree.

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Whilst passing a mega dump or room clearer as my brother calls them I come up with songs...sometimes in spanish

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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feel disappointed when i find out that a p0rn scene is just the actor's dream or imagination.

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I constantly get itches. On awkward parts of my body. In public places. And it's torture.

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On Youtube, while reading comments notice that many people reply angrily to the same person. Wonder what they said that pissed so many people off. Try to find them in earlier posts, but fail. Live the rest of the night in depressive state.

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When i talk i say i like how or i hate that.

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When I hear footsteps approaching while I'm sitting on the toilet, I'm getting ready to jump at the door in case I actually forgot to lock it.

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Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually in a coma and that everything is just a dream and my parents are standing over me watching me and wishing their daughter was awake

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after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

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I put a cigarette lighter in a fireplace, anyone else?

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worry about your eyebrows sneaking their way up and making wrinkles on your forehead

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.