realize that no one is listening to me talk so I say something completely random to try and get there attention

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My brother (who is 2 years younger) and I have our own language, consisting of movie quotes and silly stuff we made up when we were little. We speak it with abandon when we're alone, and try as hard as we can to suppress it when we're with a friend. But sometimes some of it slips out, and the friend looks at us like he's the guy who isn't in on the joke; I always get the feeling he or she thinks the two of us are crazy. By the way, if you're the third person in company with two close siblings who are speaking their own secret language, don't ask them to explain or look at them like they're crazy. They're not nuts, and you won't understand, even if they try to explain. Just let it pass.

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standing at the mall with your group talking, you all decide to start walking to a store, start to follow but half the group stays behind for a few seconds then they start walking, walk a slower pace only to find out that you're in the middle of your split groups e.g. 3 in front 4 behind...dont know which one to merge to......wait for your group to collaborate back together.

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when you dont know what someone said so you just awkwardly start laughing and it turns out not to be funny.

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Write angry notes into your search browser in case any Russian spies are watching.

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When the T.V switches to commercial sometimes I forget what I was watching Noel

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Mostly make fun of my best friends but never make fun of just regular friends

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i feel relived after i prick and see that hard-white thinggy that oozes outside my annoying acne.

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I refuse to forward chain letters

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I hold in my shit only because i am soo occupied with my current task.

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do a fake cough when my shit is falling in the toilet

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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If I have my computer and I have to do something quietly (because there are other people about) I hear music in heaphones, just so it seems to myself that I'm more discreet, as I can't hear myself.

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Simultaneously apply pressure to my ears to make the surrounding noises sound weird Tristan J.

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When I haven't looked in a mirror for a while, I worry that I look awful, and when I get to a mirror, I'm like "Oh yeah, that's what I look like".

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If I'm walking in the mall and realize I'm going in the wrong direction, I can't just double back, 'cause everyone would think I'm dumb for going in the wrong direction. Instead, I perform a slow U-turn to the other side of the walkway; either that or pretend to get an important text/phone call that forces me to do the quick turnaround. SAVE!

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Repeatably look at something ugly, even if it's ugly

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Laughing at a joke that you dont think is funny but everybody else does

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Think about having sex with the dog. You wouldn't, but what if you did?

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oh snap, i got a boner. hope nobody notices

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I peel tiny strings off of cheese sticks because it's more fun and tastes better.

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Watching a movie with bugs in it and instantly feeling that shivery 'holy sh*t there are bugs on me' feeling.

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To my comment below... Rest im peace MJ... Shhh! Mary Jane is resting!

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Look at restaurant signs and realize the font isnt as fancy as you once thought

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.