As im about to fall asleep sometimes i feel like im falling and then i have a muscle spasem and wake up.

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When I watch porn, I only watch like the first 5-10 minutes of it. To be honest I wonder why people bother making them longer too.

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RE:" pee on the side of the toilet" you dont pee on the side of the toilet so it isn't loud. you pee on the side so it doesn't splash on you're legs as much.

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Turn on Fox News and wonder if I'm watching a bad comedy routine or news reporting.

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wipe your hands on your pants

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whenever I lost a tooth my parents would while I slept they would sprinkle caster sugar on the window sill and make footprints in it (tiny footprints)

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get scarred shit less when some one burst though your door when it tacky

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I see some one I have a crush on in the hallway and I walk towards them and brush my arm against them and be like OMG I TOUCHED HER!

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Sometimes while texting or messaging, I enact the physical gestures that accompany what I'm saying as if it were an in-person conversation, even though no one can see me.

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poke fun at somebody and pray for forgiveness the following night

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Not sure if im holding on to fart or shit

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Saying "ow" even though whatever happened did not actually hurt, but you thought that it would.

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I repeat (in my mind) the person's name that I want to dream about when I go to sleep

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I was the real Stig...

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Skip lines to read faster then get confused by everything for the next 10 pages.

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I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

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When its nighttime, you walk around the house with one of your small animals in your arms, like it can protect you from anything

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Thinking you could be in a "Truman Show" style scenario and scanning areas of your house and possessions for tiny little cameras and microphones.

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I have to stop the Microwave on 0 but before it beeps or I'm not going to get what I want in life. OCD MUCH

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When in a room with a bunch of people, see the one person who's extremely cute and then get a random boner and think "GO AWAY GO AWAY GO AWAY"

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whenever there are automatic doors at a store i use "the force" to open them

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Waste time looking all over for something and notice it is right where it should be.

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I always cry when I pray.

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Flush the toilet right before done peeing so when you're done, the toilet and your pee has been flushed.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.