At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a hardon and make people think it's that big all time.

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Covering the movement sensors with toilet paper on public toilets incase it's a secret camera.

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I get creeped out if I haven't looked at a clock in a while and when I finally do it reads 9:11

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before i go to sleep i must check the front door knob multiple times to make sure its locked

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Sometimes I think and feel that I am the most voted man on Horsehead Network, I got no idea why. Moral the friendly r*pist: I dnt know what that means though... Or do I? ;)

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Change the channel during commercials when you have the remote, when you don't you go insane and say "TURN IT BACK WE'LL MISS THE START!!!"

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Going to the bathroom in public just to scratch my butt

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Pick giant boogers and eat them.

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Take nibbles whenever you get to the last piece of your burger to make it last longer.

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When im home alone, i watch porn with the volume turned up really loud.

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when i eat, i sometimes switch which side of my mouth i chew my food with to even it out.

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go though and like the posts with only one like so the person who wrote it doesn't feel alone.

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Pretend it doesn't hurt when someone I try for rejects me, but it does hurt, a lot.

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If I'm at work and have to poop, when I get in the stall I look under the opening at the bottom for any other feet in the other stalls to make sure I am alone. I always think what if when I do that someone else does it at the same time.

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When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

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try to give your friends spirit animals

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expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

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Ask me if an outfit makes you look fat? I'll say VERY!

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as you walk down the street, you pretend that all of the people were zombies and you pretend you have a gun and give them headshots (even imitate the gunshot with your mouth) -MATT

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Try to find the perfect stride length so you don't have to walk all weird to avoid stepping on a sidewalk crack. Fail miserably but keep walking weird.

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Try to figure out if some of the posts were written by the same person.

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wonder if there are secret cameras watching my every move...

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even though you know you turned the light off, you have to go check before you can get to sleep

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I sometimes wonder if the world is even real.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.