Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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think about all of the things you would do if you were the only person on earth

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Do somthing only you do

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When does eating pop corn, take apart the bag and lick all the extra butter.

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Twice on two different internet super power sites, I posted sdrawkcab epyt ot REWEP eth"... ...Sadly I forgot to type MORAL under them, so they have... several thumbs ups... NERO: In a world of bithes and h0m0f*gs that never understood that my "MORALS" where pure SARCASM!... Oh, I also think I am one of the three hundred guys that gangbang your mother.

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i take words i just read or said and sing them to the tune of a song

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Wondering how your funeral would play out if you die

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pinch the tip of my dick when I masturbate.

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Eat something to pass the time while I wait for my food in the microwave to be cooked.

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sing in the shower

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after dialing a number and clicking "call" constanly rehearse what your going to say when the other person picks up the line

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forget to breathe while listening to ear buds too loudly.

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Open the fridge, nothing there, close fridge, open again just to make sure nothing has magically appeared

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like it when you fart because it scratches your butt when its itchy

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When I see interactive ads on webpages ( "Shoot 5 iPhones And Get One Free!" type of windows ), I feel compelled to finish the task, even though I KNOW it's going to open a pop-up and waste 10 seconds of my life.

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When the toilet paper falls to the floor, I quickly roll it again so nobody notices it.

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My hoodie/jacket strings HAVE to be equal in length, or I pull them then restretch the hood out to make them even.

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When I see a typo ANYWHERE, I feel compelled to correct it, even if there is no possible way for me to correct it

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I really enjoy self-pity.

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I don't like Winter. Because I'm scared that when we use the heater, our house will catch on fire.

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If I read that someone said something a certain way in a book I try to mimic their voice.

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I chew on anything plastic. I don't think there's a pen that I haven't chewed on or a plastic cap I haven't put in my mouth. It's a horrible habit but it feels so DAMN GOOD TO CHEW!

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When talking to someone you sometimes start with the middle of a story through the end, complete with random details that seem totally unrelated to them, and THEN you remember to tell the beginning (which is the part that actually relates to what they were talking about).

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Have a big twitch, freak out when you are dosing off in class but suddenly wake up.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.