I have to check my closet for monsters so they don't get me while I sleep

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I pretend that I've caught the man in the walk/don't walk sign doing something bad and I stare at him accusingly

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Repeatably look at something ugly, even if it's ugly

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Sometimes I imagine that I am in a coma and all of the things of this world are not real. Then when I wake up from the coma I will be the best inventor of all time.

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Hate to type Morals under each one of my posts Moral: A small chick in the hand is better than a huge C**K up your ass. I am pretty sure not even women nor homosexuals want birds up there...Then again, I havent searched for anything like that at the intern... they are eating her! And now they are gonna eat me! OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD! (fly stuck on head)

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Sitting on the toilet and feel devastated I forgot my smartphone and then spending the rest of my time on the toilet thinking about how boring it is without my smartphone.

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feel legitimately bad for Wile E Coyote whenever he does not get the road runner

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Am I the only one who wrote "free Candy" on the side of my van?

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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When I stop thinking about about something it'll turn out that I've been staring at someone without meaning to.

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Aim at shit stains whilst I pee.

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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Sometimes when my mom is aking me something and then i tell her the truth i start smirking automatically as if i'd be lying because i don't know how to make a serious face

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Wish that Mexicans would go fix things in their own country instead of coming here unwelcome and demanding things instead.

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When you're lying in bed and you fart, you pull the covers over your head to smell it.

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Throw mini celabration of clock says 11:11, 9:11 or anything ending in :00

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I wonder to myself if other people see exactly the same things as me.

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I laugh easier when im with someone

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When I wanted to sit on chair or anything, I'll wipe them first, in case there is something sticked on them

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I always cry when I pray.

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i pretend to have the ability of telekinesis and move things around my house , garden, playground...

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I twerk in the mirror to see how much my ass jiggles

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When Ive just intentionally committed some minor traffic offense (speeding, illegal U-turn) and suddenly worry a cop may have spotted me and act to myself in the car as if I was truly confused and have no idea what I did wrong, like moving my head around and saying, "Huh? Where's that house?"

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Put the porn sound in a really low volume even when you have headphones, just to make sure noone can hear it. Then take off the headphones once in a while to check if it sounds too loud.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.