Sometimes I wonder if my life is a dream and oneday I'll wake up as a newborn baby

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I speak dialogues at home to myself that I could possibly have with people in hypothetical situations. Km

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Avoid as many television commercials as I can

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pretend celebrities are watching you then getting really freaked out.

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Picking my nose.

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I randomly highlight stuff when I'm reading something, only to click outside of the text so I can actually read it.

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I tend to stand in front of mirrors and stare at myself to the point of my face changing to a more evil look than normal and freaking myself out, and forcing myself to either look away, or down.

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when i listen to music in my earphones, i always pretend its me performing the song to an audience.

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after having a hot shower I sometimes just sit in my room wearing just a towel

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Thinking about what is nothing and other deep shit when trying to fall asleep.

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You do a retarded dance when a song you don't like comes on

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Picking your nose to get rid of that annoying whistling in your nose when you breathe.

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get home from work and masturbate instantly

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Watch 30 seconds of a commercial break only to realize it's dvr'd and I could be fast forwarding it.

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pissing really fast to remove shit stains in the toilet

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I use the power-stance sometimes when I poop. It's where you completely remove one leg from your pants and put the shoe back on. Your legs can go further apart.

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I poke myself in the eye with a needle every Thursday.

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if I see submissions above mine get thumbs up but not mine I will put them down

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Having sudden realizations that you are a person who exists.

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When in a public bathroom, flush the toilet right before your shit falls into the water, so no one will hear.

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Go to the same website two days in a row and then never again after that

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Try to flip the dice at the casino to my number with my mind

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Feel all cool and look suspiciously at everybody else while leaving the theater after a good dramatic movie.

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clean specks of sh*t in the toilet by peeing on it.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.