Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

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Smell a fart and don't react until someone else does.

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Skip the first 3 minutes of "Free Bird" because it's too slow.

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Going to sleep during class thinking that you've written down all your notes, until you wake up and realize you did nothing.

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Try to talk to my pet telepathically. - sky

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When im out with my dad in the car i swear traffic lights always seem to go to red when were coming

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When something says "I have read and agree to the terms of service" I quickly skim through it nd act like I read it.

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Vigorously scratch my head over a black surface and watch the dandruff fall like snowflakes....then eat it.

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I hid money in a jar behind a brick in the house I lived in and forgot about it. I've since moved to another state but I didn't remember I left the cash behind until years later.

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I always get paranoid when I go to take a shit because I leave the computer on and somebody comes in the room where the computer is.

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Take pieces of loose hair and keep it in a plastic bag in my wallet so if I ever get killed and my ID stolen, my body can still be identified.

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Pretend you are turning Super Saiyan when sat on the toilet

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only drink milk from a freshly opened carton

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When in the shower hit the plug like a bath then just sit there for a few minutes as the water fills up.

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(Men) When you have to poop and pee at the same time, you stand to pee, and THEN sit to poop. Just out of principle.

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Assume that on another planet or galaxy there are people just like humans that look exactly like me. Like an alternate universe.

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dip my fries in ice cream! sometimes in soda. It's good!

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It takes half as long to take a dump if I forget my phone.

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When you look at the sidewalk and try to step on the boxes instead of the lines, and feel like you need to do it a number of times per leg to make it even.

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Say to yourself "I really should get that work done" then do nothing about it

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Dutch oven myself when I'm lying in bed trying to sleep

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When listening to headphones, I automatically start lip syncing the lyrics... But stop doing it when people look at me funny..

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Try to think of something nice then thinks of then scariest things.

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When I am making toast I spread the butter or jam with a spoon

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.