Think about my life as a book when I'm in public, for example "I then walked over to my friend to say hello to him."

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Doing a little dance after having sex because your so proud you're a FATHER!!! - Uncle Jerrett

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touching something (like a crack in a wall) and then thinking to yourself that your the only person thats ever touched it..

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I wonder why the word ISLAND has an "S" in it?

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I used to drive home from my girlfriend's house late at night and stop on a stretch of road to take a leak. I'd walk backwards while peeing, creating a crooked line of pee in the road. I'd add to it night after night, then I'd drive by in the day to see my long pee stain in the road only I knew about. Anyone who passed by could see it, but only I knew what it was. It would last until the next rain and I'd have to start over.

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Try to stop thinking but then just start thinking I'm thinking

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listen to madonnas new album

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CORRECTION, THINGS I KNOW ONLY I DO. OWN YOU ALL HAAAAAAAAAAAARD! Moral: DOUBLE FLAWLESS! EXPLOSION SOUND!

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as soon as i put some mint gum in my mouth, i sneeze countless times.

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when you are at home doing something then all of a sudden you imagine how you would take down a killer if he came into your home right now. just me?

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My parents are annoying.

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Wipe my hands on a cold glass to clean my hands

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I sit up all night on the computer/xbox then when people ask if i have slept i just lie and say yes to avoid the drama.

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When your talking to a hot girl and then picture her naked with you in bed but then stop thinking about that because you think she can read your mind

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I lay in bed at night with my eyes closed but not asleep,and my mind will tell me that thier is someone standing by my bed,i will think and say to myself,im not looking because thats ridiculous. Then after a 30 seconds pause,have a quick peep.

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I always feel as if someone is always watching me on a screen where ever I am, and every person in the world is also being watched as well

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When my girlfriend ask me what I am thinking about, I tell her I am thinking of all the great things about my last girlfriend.

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I save my files as "askjaskjaks" because I'm too lazy to give them a proper name.

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when i have a head or toothache...i hit it harder thinking it will stop or get better

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Log onto facebook, notice a family member is also logged on, and immediately log off before they trap you in a never-ending facebook chat.

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Get excited when the captcha says something related to whatever you're posting

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Make sure I put the deodorant top back on the correct way -- you know, so the sticker is to the front.

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humiliating little girls

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Fart at work when I'm pretty sure no one will come to that area soon.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.