Take nibbles whenever you get to the last piece of your burger to make it last longer.

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Whenever I'm outside playing a sport or something I pretend I have a tv show and I'm giving the audience a tutorial on how to do whatever I'm doing.

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trying to piss after masturbation hurts.

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strt thinking about something spinning, then cant stop no matter how hard you try.

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I no longer trust any of my local news because they appear to have an agenda

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the time where you sit behind a person that smells like BO badly!!!

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really wonder why there is so much talk about pooping and farting on this site

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Close the Facebook page, after not having a single message in hours, and re open it in a minute, expecting numerous new messages......

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Imagine myself going back in time and giving my friends and family little hints on how their life will pan out.

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Take advantage of loud traffic to fart really hard.

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I always have trouble leaving a airplanes lavatory I never get the door open

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I imagine myself having a superpower that could make people see from my point of view. I would just have to lay a hand on them, and suddenly they would understand who I really am.

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I flick my boogers on the carpet knowing that I can just vacuum them up later.

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Whenever there is a volume button on something i have to make sure its on a number 5 ie: 0,5,10,15

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Hatch an escape plan as soon as my date starts to complain about anything.

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see if I can hold my breath when walking down a long hallway

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Wonder if life is just a dream then get a creepy feeling and immediately think happier thoughts.

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When a male dies and screams in pain in a movie, I feel normal about it. When a female does, I feel bad and want to help.

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push a fart out really slow so you think nobody will hear it

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I am Moral Man your friendly r*pist neighboorhood, what only I can do? I can steal, cheat, kill r*pe boys and girls, cats, not mouse heck I am no pervert either see? All this and I can still be... ...A SMOOTH CRIMINAL! AH! YAHOOW!

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Blink and pretend that you just took a picture with your eyes.

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Change the channel when a Progressive commercial comes on because I can't STAND that stupid Flo girl.

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When I'm in the shower, you think of arguments that can occur, then think of good comebacks to say to your opponent. And when it actually does happen in real life, you don't have the courage to say it.

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Accidentally scratching a surface and then scratching it again with the tops of your fingernails to even it out.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.