When home alone, I put cans in front of the door so if someone breaks in, I wake up.

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talking on the phone with somebody and then spending 10 minutes or so looking for your phone...

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My butthole itches, so I fart to scratch it.

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While driving out in the country area, I am secretly looking for Squatch

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A lot of times I'll make up reasons for why different things happen even though I really have absolutely no idea.

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Archer's Pam poovey, Lana Kane and Malory makes me horny

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Still record on VHS tapes.

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I always find myself criticizing some commercials on television like the first time I see them I think nothing of it but the third or fourth time I think hey wait a second...

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When i was little i used to see people's cars shaking and wondered why they were listening to a song that just goes "BOOM BOOM BOOM"

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When at a red you watch the light real close and as soon as it turns green you try to beat the other cars to the other side of intersection

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Say 'she's not here' when someone that I don't know calls and asks for me.

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call someone by a siblings name.

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Have a dream about somebody being mean to me. Proceed to be mean to them in real life.

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I hate when people say for example,if something is $3.99 they say its four dollars.

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I chew around the center of carrots.

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Sick the top of you fingers in your pants when you are doing something that requires one hand, like watching t.v

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Play call of duty then go around shooting everyone in your mind for the rest of the day

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Pick your dead skin then eat it.

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How is it that celebrities no one likes keep popping up on shows everyone likes

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while i'm doing something,i think a suitable soundtrack for it.

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After eating a banana I leave the last bit that was in the bottom

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when i use omegle u usually say im a girl, when a guy says how long is his thing, i say 'mine too' :D

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Call out the mistakes I see drivers make in front of me.

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I don't leave the toilet in a public restroom until the other person leaves, so I don't have to make awkward eye contact.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.