I tilt my head back and eat grapes pretending like im a greek god

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Boinked my neighbor

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I used to be the third most useless invention in the world, and now I am so sad, I mean I lost to a square wheel! Moral: On the bright side, ill never be as useless as Rustin Beaver.

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When in the shower hit the plug like a bath then just sit there for a few minutes as the water fills up.

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Everytime I have ear buds in and I hear myself breathing, I think others can hear it too so I slow my breathing or hold my breath.

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Start thinking about my blinking and feel that I am blinking weird

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I push the door open with my stomach

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Run the shower before you get in/ move out the way of the water to let it warm up first

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when in the car with just one parent i get very cautious about what im thinking cuz i feel like they r reading my mind

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thinking about how you will never understand who in the world thought it was a good idea to spell "Wednesday" like that

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I have to put the radio volume in multiples of three and my daughter has to put it in multiples of five so when we are together it either has to be on 15 or 30.

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When you are taking a test or anywhere , you remember something funny and you laugh randomly looking like a dumbass then pretend to cough.

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When you buy a car you then see that make/model everywhere.

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think up the funniest jokes right before i go to sleep and cant think of them the next day

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I rub the ends of my hair because it feels awesome.

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I have an unhealthy obsession with and so always talk about Penge North Korea beige mauve and medium density fiberboard. This explains why I'm such a popular guy

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If I have to put the garbage out at night I sprint back into the house so the monsters don't get me

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when looking at a reflection of myself, i try to do it as fast as i can before the reflection does something i didnt

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I think Lois Griffin on Family Guy is hot!

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Trying not to fart when laughing is challenging.

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Only use the left earphone.

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listening to music and not realizing ur favorite song is on until the last word

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Likes that girggle sound you make after a burp.

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collect kleenex boxes for the cool designs

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.