When you are speaking to someone with a distinct accent and suddenly take on the accent as your own when responding. - Missy Chemick

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Every time I miss a gree light by just a couple seconds, I think to myself, "Maybe if I had made that light an out of control semi would be slamming into my car right at this moment." Thank you red light.

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I feel that getting a 98 on a test is better than getting a 99.

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Say "what?" when you know what they said, then answer before they can respond. I do it because it takes me a second to figure out what they said and so my immediate response it "what?".

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I wonder do females have morning wood equivalent?

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When I take a shower, I screw with my iPod for a half an hour "Waiting for the water to warm up".

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Look at my poop before flushing

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i wonder why someone decided to spell words unusually for example why couldn't because be spelt becuz the way it sounds?!

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When the vacuum cleaner's going, I try to stay as far away from it and block the noise by shutting doors.

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Fantasize a situation that turns you into a person with superpowers or something.

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When i close the refrigiator door, i re-open it and give it a good shove to make sure it tight.

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If I'm alone, I'll imagine myself as somebody else an start acting as if I'm in a different life, complete with different people and places because in my imagination, I get to control what is going to happen next. Because, my imagination is way better than my reality.

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Sometimes if I am by myself at the house or in the car I will act completely insane and absurd. This usually involves me screaming incoherent babble, whole body twitching, making absurd faces and doing this thing where I bite my tongue and shake my head violently. If any normal person saw me they would either think I am having a seizure or currently possessed by Satan.

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I have won so many competitions online for things like being the 99, 999th visitor on the site

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When I walk past a homeless person asking for change, I avoid looking them in the eye and walk faster.

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See how fast and accurate i can use the fast forward on my dvr and applaud myself when i go full speed and stop 2 seconds before the show is back on.

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Sitting on the toilet and feel devastated I forgot my smartphone and then spending the rest of my time on the toilet thinking about how boring it is without my smartphone.

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Whenever I'm in the shower, I never close my eyes because I think someones gonna kill me

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when i listen to music in my earphones, i always pretend its me performing the song to an audience.

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Pretend animals talk to you!

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Doing a little dance after having sex because your so proud you're a FATHER!!! - Uncle Jerrett

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Sick the top of you fingers in your pants when you are doing something that requires one hand, like watching t.v

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Dilikes the Gangnam Style.

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I wonder why people were happy after the last election

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.