sing like a pro in da shower

Every time I walk up the stairs in my own house, I feel compelled to do it on all fours.

I try really hard to come up with a funny joke on antijokes.com, then I give up and come to this website instead.

When I fap at friends house, I use mobile data instead of his wifi incase history can be seen

Stare blankly at your desktop when someone walks in the room so they won't know that you were watching porn lol

I type a comment here and secretly feel special

when i piss in the toilet, i flush half way through and race the toilet to the finish.

Stand really close to the mirror and look myself in the eyes. Try to scare myself or make a really fast movement, hoping my reflection can't keep up.

Refreshing captcha codes for five minutes straight until you find reasonably legible letters.

Create the perfect song/poem/philosophical theory/scientific discovery right before you fall asleep and forget it in the morning.

Has anyone else ever wondered why the women in shows and movies lie with the blanket covering them after apparently having sex with the other person.

Stepping on a concrete sidewalk square the exact amount of times as the others.

I really enjoy spending my birthday alone. I never told anyone that.

Always check the other side of the shower curtain when showering out of fear that someone is on the other side

Saving my cash this year and not buying into the shopping hype

Press cancel on your toaster before it finishes so that you can eat faster

Playing with a tiny piece of loose skin in the middle of my upper lip.

When I see someone with similar hair to mine, I stare at them from behind and try to figure out if that's what I look like from the back.

Get to lazy to stand up in the shower so I sit down in the shower

when making thing only you think you do you never read the terms of service

When you know your alone, you still have to check the whole house.

Wish that Mexicans would go to their OWN country and stop living tax free in OURS.

It's hot but I still have on covers

Here's a fun game I play if I wake up in the middle of the night: I look over at the alarm clock and see what numbers are displayed. Then I shut my eyes tightly and wait a few seconds before opening them again. If I open my eyes and see that the numbers on the alarm clock have changed, I win. If I open my eyes and they didn't, I lose.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.