sing like a pro in da shower

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Every time I walk up the stairs in my own house, I feel compelled to do it on all fours.

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I try really hard to come up with a funny joke on antijokes.com, then I give up and come to this website instead.

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When I fap at friends house, I use mobile data instead of his wifi incase history can be seen

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Stare blankly at your desktop when someone walks in the room so they won't know that you were watching porn lol

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I type a comment here and secretly feel special

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when i piss in the toilet, i flush half way through and race the toilet to the finish.

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Stand really close to the mirror and look myself in the eyes. Try to scare myself or make a really fast movement, hoping my reflection can't keep up.

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Refreshing captcha codes for five minutes straight until you find reasonably legible letters.

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Create the perfect song/poem/philosophical theory/scientific discovery right before you fall asleep and forget it in the morning.

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Has anyone else ever wondered why the women in shows and movies lie with the blanket covering them after apparently having sex with the other person.

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Stepping on a concrete sidewalk square the exact amount of times as the others.

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I really enjoy spending my birthday alone. I never told anyone that.

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Always check the other side of the shower curtain when showering out of fear that someone is on the other side

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Saving my cash this year and not buying into the shopping hype

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Press cancel on your toaster before it finishes so that you can eat faster

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Playing with a tiny piece of loose skin in the middle of my upper lip.

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When I see someone with similar hair to mine, I stare at them from behind and try to figure out if that's what I look like from the back.

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Get to lazy to stand up in the shower so I sit down in the shower

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when making thing only you think you do you never read the terms of service

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When you know your alone, you still have to check the whole house.

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Wish that Mexicans would go to their OWN country and stop living tax free in OURS.

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It's hot but I still have on covers

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Here's a fun game I play if I wake up in the middle of the night: I look over at the alarm clock and see what numbers are displayed. Then I shut my eyes tightly and wait a few seconds before opening them again. If I open my eyes and see that the numbers on the alarm clock have changed, I win. If I open my eyes and they didn't, I lose.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.