My daily agenda: wake up take a crap get out of bed...

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Imagining yourself in the "Last Supper" scene. (in Jesus's spot matter of fact)

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When you can feel yourself blushing so you pretend to be preoccupied with something else.

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After a meal if I need to use a toothpick I would eat the piece of food I "picked".

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Meet a really cool girl imagine the rest of my life with her.

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I'll imagine that I'm having a conversation with a celebrity, and either giving them advice or telling them why I hate them and calling them out on bullshit.

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Use é instead of e to spell Pokémon

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Sometimes when walking, accidently fart and then try to squeak my to sound like my shoes squeaked instead of me farting.

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when looking at a reflection of myself, i try to do it as fast as i can before the reflection does something i didnt

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Make jokes about yourself on the period: "dear god, this is the 5th day I`m bleeding and I`m sill not dead. What kind of monster am I?" ...not funny... :)

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When a stripper sucks you so hard that the tip of your penis gets circumcised

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I used to be the third most useless invention in the world, and now I am so sad, I mean I lost to a square wheel! Moral: On the bright side, ill never be as useless as Rustin Beaver.

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Leave coins on the floor in the corner when I have a party to see if there is a petty thief around

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I don't like Winter. Because I'm scared that when we use the heater, our house will catch on fire.

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I chew around the center of carrots.

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Watching movies about couples with age gaps and woundering how it would feel like to be with somebody much older (or younger) than you. Would they use viagra or would you not even try to have sex with someone so old and delicate?

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after you've been in a fight i usually think up some epic move i could've done instead.

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say "ow" when your character in a video game gets hurt

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Sometimes I try to solve a math problem using my finger and my thigh, and when I make a mistake a erase it with my hand.

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Feel like puhing the crap out of people who talk loud in public places.

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I think about fat women while poking my skinny girlfriend

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Whenever I am in a dark room at night, and there is a window with blinds with a light shining through, I stand in front of it and pretend I am wearing a striped prison jumpsuit.

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Wash my hands after i use the toilet.

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when you have just ended a argument with someone and you think what else you could of said that would have been better to say

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.