I practice my signature on a piece of paper over and over again. Even though my signature has never changed.

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I wonder why people were happy after the last election

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Before I sing in the car, I always have to make sure I haven’t accidently butt-dialed anyone. –Ikka

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When in class, hoping that I do not get boner right before bell rings/called up.

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Domina Olga shows no mercy when she ride your dick

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Whenever I Iook into the mirror, I think there's a second evil dimension.

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Randomly think odd scenarios in your head and say if that happened this is what i would do and then forget about it the next day

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Try to use my "Brain Power" to pick up things when I am too lazy to get up and get them.

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When light goes off and cant see digital clock numbers when you are trying to sleep/wake up, i scream and get terrified because i think i got blind

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think about what im gonna say abillon times in my head before i say it -jesse

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When I go to somewhere like France I always wittily comment to my friend " oh look at all those bloody foreigners as I have always thought they were tougher on immigrants

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Every time i find an insect in my basement i grab it put it in the toilet and pee on it victoriously while its being flushed down. But Im a nice guy, and i worry about this evil hatred i have towards insects.

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flushing the toilet eventho not yet finish pee-ing. So that the water sucks it right after the last drop of your pee. Saves 2-3seconds of your life.

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I think of unbelievably perverted things seconds before I am about to cum when masturbating.

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At the store then mom leaves to get something then u start panicking as the cashier begins paying and you thing she will charge yo already

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When someones talking to a group of people that I'm in and says something bad that I do but think nobody else does, I stand perfectly still and don't blink and breath as quietly as possible until the next subject arrives.

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sometime i poop in my hand, then put it in the toilet so it makes less noise and the water doesn't splash up my butt.

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i see almost everything as a sign

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If i've been thinking about a particular person a lot, afterwards if people are telling a story or describing a scenario, I always picture the person I was thinking of before as the person as the main character in their story/scenario.

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Sometimes, when I like something on a certain website and see that someone else on my facebook friend's list likes it as well, I think that they're stalking me.

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I lie in bed and when I get bored I try to convince myself that I'm lying at the other end

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I don't leave the toilet in a public restroom until the other person leaves, so I don't have to make awkward eye contact.

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Fart after someone else farts sop that no one will know you did too.

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I always thought Diane Ross sang '76 why don't ya babe, get out my life why don't ya babe'.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.