Play call of duty then go around shooting everyone in your mind for the rest of the day

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I'm so used to pooping with my phone that everytime I forget it I take less than 5 minutes, versus the usual 26.

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Check behind the shower curtain for a killer.

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I sometimes have bad dreams that for some reason I don't want to wake up from because I just want to see what happens next

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I wonder sometimes if I've ever met my future self.

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Give vocal commentary on the song I just played when I'm the only one in the car.

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Sometimes I make awkward eye contact with strangers. And I quickly look away. And then I look back. And then look away again. And I keep being compelled to stare awkwardly at the random stranger for no reason.

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When taking a dump in a public restroom, if someone else walks in, I wait until they leave the restroom before finishing up and leaving the stall, just to make sure they don't see who I am.

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Sometimes, when I'm alone and it's dark outside, I like to cover my body in petroleum jelly and pretend to be a slug.

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Trying on other people's clothes at the gym/laundromat when they ain't looking!! (^_^)

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When I am surfing the web and i go to another website i see an ad that was about something i just viewed from previous website I wonder if a little man is inside my pc keeping catalog of every website that i visit.

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I don't care about gender stereotypes. Moral: If I want to like Pink unicorns I will like them!

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When i'm home, I pretend i'm famous!

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When im standing at a urinal and another guy was there before me and i still finish first i pretend like im still peeing so he wont think i have a bladder problem.

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Waste time looking all over for something and notice it is right where it should be.

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if something stands for something, i come up with my own version of it.

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I never read the terms and conditions but I say I have

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I talk to myself while playing games so I don't feel lonley!

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You pretend to fight imaginary people while no ones looking:/ But you look like the star wars kid...

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Sometimes, when I like something on a certain website and see that someone else on my facebook friend's list likes it as well, I think that they're stalking me.

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The last meal I have before I get on a plane - I think about how it is food in one city and will be crapped out in another.

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I am Moral Man your friendly r*pist neighboorhood, what only I can do? I can steal, cheat, kill r*pe boys and girls, cats, not mouse heck I am no pervert either see? All this and I can still be... ...A SMOOTH CRIMINAL! AH! YAHOOW!

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Try to fly by jumping and then discover you can't

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When your friend tells you something, but you don't hear them so you just start laughing.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.