See a ridiculously hot girl and wonder to myself "who is the guy who gets to have sex with her. And why does she like him?" As if that can help me bag an equally hotter girl.

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When the car ride is silent, I wink with my right eye when I pass a sign on the right, and the opposite for the left. And then when there's a double yellow line, I close my eyes.

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Suddenly thinking that this is all a dream, and having to pinch yourself to make sure it isn´t. Or is it?

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Sunday's are making me feel depressed.

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Have to suddenly poop while shopping (mainly in Wal-Mart), but don't feel like traveling far to the restroom. So I kneel down in whatever aisle I'm in, casually shove my heel up my butt, and pick up some random item from the shelf and pretend to be interested in it. Finally, when the poop is secure in my butt, I'll put the item back and continue my shopping.

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Get angry at someone for not knowing something I haven't told them about.

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Naming you're offspring Peter Jankins

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after having a hot shower I sometimes just sit in my room wearing just a towel

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I take pains to be Anti-Democrat and Anti-Republican. Because both parties are really gross money & career machines beholden to industry. I really am middle-of-the-road on lots of issues. even though I don't understand what the fuck makes an intelligent conservative tick. but I may just be biased because it's all neo-cons on the news. idk.

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put an excessive amount of lead in your pencil

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when bored, i imagine my EXACT plan for the zombie apocalypse, down to what would look cool if i was walking down a desolate street ( i am legend style) :D

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When you were in elementary school you thought people laughed at Uranus because it sounds kinda like urine and then wondered why it was so funny; the two only sound remotely alike.

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Not expecting anyone to come over, some one knocks on the front door, mute the TV and hope they just go away.

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When I see something on facebook i dont like, I like it just so i can unlike it.

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Music is ALWAYS playing in my head. I can't go a day without noticing that the whole time a song is just burned in my brain, playing over and over. Is this okay? Im pretty sure im the only one...

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Wearing cheap CZ rings to either stop guys hitting on me or pretend I'm engaged.

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I never let anything go over the toilet when It's open.

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I read your stuff at the interwebs and think "sons, I am disappoint" Moral: Lol, I just might be your father you know... But that does not mean you disappoint me anymore, I kinda expect your worst? Best? I mean... Are you doing your worst on purpose? WOW!

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Waking up at 4 am wondering where your pillow went.

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realize you are saying your thoughts outloud.

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I like to eat grilled cheese with ketchup

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I always wonder if anyone has a crush on me.

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okay,So we bought a 1000 piece puzzle and made a point to put it together when it was done we found that it was missing a piece so we went back to the same store bought the same puzzle and went through it until we found the missing piece then returned it.

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If im eating food i shouldnt and i dont want anybody to know i jump if anyone comes in and catches me.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.