When I'm about to fart, I close my butthole with cupped hand to smell my own fart. Sometimes after I fart, I bend down just to smell the scent.

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Two minutes after I text the person I like, I check the message to see what time I sent it and what time the person received it, and estimate that it takes the adverage person about a minute to respond and then another minute for you to receive it. so really, if the person likes you, it would take them about 3 minutes to respond. if its five, you automatically assume they hate you.

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Post one on this site thinking everyone will love you but then you realize you're the 2,833 person to post on this site and no one will ever see it. If this is still where it was when I posted it, then congratulations! You've read through 300 FUCKING PAGES! (that meant go get a job)

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Checking your phone for a text when you know you don't have one. Matt

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when being in the bathroom at night, avoid looking in the mirror

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Turn the light off, run, and JUMP into bed. I'm 26.

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Use an entirely different vocabulary in your head than everyday life.

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On Youtube. Moving the mouse cursor over the video thumbnails thinking it will display different snap shots from the video. And realizing what a guy I am...

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Go to get a drink and by the time you get there you already forgot what you were doing.

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hearing the opening theme music to Disney or 20th Century Fox or whatever and knowing what it is before you see the screen, then wondering if you should feel proud or if your a weird geek.

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Sitting next to a banana called James

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When I'm reading a story in English class or a book in general but I'm tired while doing so and I'm reading on down the page, if I read a sentence and miss a word or mispronounce a word I MUST go back and re read the entire sentence until I have read it correctly or I feel very weird and panicked.

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When on a boring car ride, add up all the numbers on the licence plates I see.

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Fart and walk away from the stink area very quickly so nobody will know you made it.

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When you get lost while driving, the first thing you do is turn down the radio.

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Whenever I do something I want to tell someone about, I have to whisper it to myself before I tell them.

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If I drop a piece of candy on the floor, I have to drop another piece so it won,t be lonely

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Sometime i'll see someone or something like a person or a car and visualize a big meteorite smashing then out of nowhere.

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Thinking our singing voices are amazing, until we record it and play it back.

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Rereading a text message 25 times before you send it to make sure it makes sense.

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Before I go to sleep, I imagine what it would be like dating a really hot actor or singer and think of dramatic scenarios that could happen.

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Things I did when I was little: Slowly close the fridge door to see the light go out before it is closed all of the way. Put the light switch in between "OFF" and "ON". Walked in to a room and forgot why, walked out then remembered. (STILL DO!) Drew the sun in the corner of the paper. Put a flashlight in your mouth to see yourself, "blush".

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Not sure if im holding on to fart or shit

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Suddenly thinking that this is all a dream, and having to pinch yourself to make sure it isn´t. Or is it?

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.