Thinking something embarrassing, then having to talk to someone and suddenly getting worried you are about to blurt out your thoughts

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Manage to be more AWESOME! THAN YOU IN EVERY SINGLE WAY! YES YOU! YOU DONT HIDE FROM ME! YEAH CHANGE THE PAGE LIKE THE PUSSY YOU ARE, COME OVER HERE INTO THE SCREEN (NOT HOME IM NAKED AND NOT IN THE MOOD FOR RAPING NOW SO YEAH ANYWAY) MORAL; THE ORIGINAL NOT THE CULT MORAL CODE FUCK ASSHOLE OKAY? DO I SEEM LIKE I WANT A CULT? OR THAT I JUST WANT TO CHAINSAW THE HEAD OF YOUR DOG AND PACK IT IN A NICE GIFT BOX FOR YOU? HUUUUUH!?

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Imagine your in action movies and die for a girl while your lying there trying too sleep and realising you are deep in thought about something that your too chicken to do.

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fart and then breathe it in really quick hoping no one else smells it first

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I don't read the terms of service.

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Write b as d and d as b or p as q and q as p. I mostly write b as d and d as b since I've learned the alphabet. Trying not to do that now

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Every time you use a vending machine you hope you get lucky and 2 things drop down.

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When something funny happens think of it a couple days later than laugh,everyone then looks at me weirdly.

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wait til the last second to stop the microwave before it dings

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Try to move your head to line up specks on the windshield with objects outside.

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Looking at something suggestive on your computer and worrying that someone else in your family can see what you're doing on their computer.

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Make calculations with house number. Eg: House nº 112 means house nº 4

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standing at the mall with your group talking, you all decide to start walking to a store, start to follow but half the group stays behind for a few seconds then they start walking, walk a slower pace only to find out that you're in the middle of your split groups e.g. 3 in front 4 behind...dont know which one to merge to......wait for your group to collaborate back together.

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

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Hate when I can't sleep and the sun starts to come up and I hear birds chirping and i get worried and just realize that I should be happy that it's a new day and to relax.

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I pee in the sink so i don't have to aim

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Left alone Big noise, people aren't expected back as soon so grab baseball bat and charge only to find them back early...."what you doing?" "batting my socks around practising my baseball skills"

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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I always have trouble leaving a airplanes lavatory I never get the door open

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realize that no one is listening to me talk so I say something completely random to try and get there attention

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I wonder what it wonder be like to have a really tall girlfriend?

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When I Download A Song Or Movie And The Download Speed Slows Down I Think The FBI Is Tracking Me.

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I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

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TV turned on just so... Makes you not feeling alone or because some other unknown (or) irrational reason.And of course, feeling guilty cause you spending energy and money but still... Most of the time you just don't care.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.