I used to shower with my cat which struggles like hell, even though it loves getting fucking filthy, one day it even bit my dick. I still shower with my cat.

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Sometimes I wait a long time to pee when I really have to go. It feels good.

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laugh whenever I see an infomercial where the hosts glorify their products to the point where it seems like they have found Jesus it is hilarious.

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Trying to do things before the microwave beeps .

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If someone high fives me on one hand, I need to high five the other one too, or I feel uneven.

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Talking to yourself in your head so you don't seem so crazy.

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That awkward moment when you thought the other person opened the door for you to go in first, when it was actually for that person.

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Sometimes after a long, hard day or when something bad happens I just sit down and cry in the shower.

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thinking "what if people can read my mind" then cant stop thinking dirty things about people around me

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If someone tells me what I did when I was drinking and it's stupid or embarrassing I pretend I don't remember because I was too drunk.

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cover myself in vaseline and roll around on the floor pretending im a slug

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When I have my headphones in, and I'm miming the words to a song in the bathroom pretending that I'm playing a gig. I put the tap on to make sure no one hears me dancing.

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Sometimes when I'm laughing really hard I awkwardly clap my hands.

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When I'm around people, I sometimes yell in my head "STOP READING MY MIND! I KNOW YOU'RE DOING IT, SO STOP!" just in case.

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I often think about how I am a thing inside of a body

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Making gang signs out the window when your parents let you ride in the front seat

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masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

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When I Download A Song Or Movie And The Download Speed Slows Down I Think The FBI Is Tracking Me.

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I chew my ice cream.

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Sometimes I get annoyed when I realize none of my friends ever eat vegetables or drink anything but sugary soda`s and are somehow as healthy, sometimes even healthier than me.

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Spend ages searching for a porno (normally about 40 minutes), search through it for the best bit, finish and think "what was the point of all that"

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I pretend I'm a really popular YouTuber and talk to nobody thinking they're my subscribers.

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when sleeping over at someone's house, make a cringing, weird looking face while opening the fridge in the middle of the night like somehow the look on your face will change the volume of the seal breaking open

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a hardon and make people think it's that big all time.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.