When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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Sing every word to Bohemian Rhapsody every time you hear it in the most dramatic way possible.

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I put a cigarette lighter in a fireplace, anyone else?

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Being able to think about great ideas for the world, but not being able to get a math problem done.

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when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

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Chewing your chips softer so you can hear the tv

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That awkward moment when you thought the other person opened the door for you to go in first, when it was actually for that person.

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sometimes i poop in my pants and like the smell of my poop. Smells like whatever i just ate.

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We keep a spare key hidden outside somewhere in case we are locked out

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When my girlfriend ask me what I am thinking about, I tell her I am thinking of all the great things about my last girlfriend.

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get really freaked out when your in a parking lot and the car next to you starts backing up and you think your moving forward.

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Refreshing captcha codes for five minutes straight until you find reasonably legible letters.

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I DO wish I had the ability of the guy in the comment below me. Moral: Yeah I have to type moral down here, because its awesome and because whatever its awesome!

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Listening to my iPod with other people walking by me or sitting near me and feeling mysterious and cool.

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taking your t shirt or sweatshirt off quickly so nothing gets you while its over your face

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When I find a new song I like, I listen to it over and over and over; >>Until I run that sh*t into the ground.

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When I'm riding in the car, I'll spot a tree, make it my goal and try to beat the car on the opposite side of the road to it. (Seriously I don't think anyone else does this!)

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I hate being called "buddy".

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expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

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Only taking half a biscuit because it makes you feel bad and then taking another half of a different biscuit.

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I like asking my wife how her SIMIANS are doing (the sims 4) because its fun watching her try to hide the fact that it annoys her. Nero, now if you thought Moral Man the Friendly neighbourhood r*pist was bad... Well, thumb me down I dare you! Seriously I totally did not have a certain bitch turkish hacker put a tracker on my laptop si I can find out where you live... And pay some guy to break your kneecaps... I only done it twice though... Here on horsehead network :) Third time is a charm ;) NERO: Actually I paid people five times, the fourth did not do his job, so I pay a fifth to FINISH HIM! (Sometimes I think people on craigslist just like to kill for the fun of it, seriously, eighty bucks?)

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

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Turn volume down on iPod or tv, then turn up one bar to make it seem like it's still loud.

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You pretend to fight imaginary people while no ones looking:/ But you look like the star wars kid...

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.