Smoking in the shower.

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when you wake up in the morning to a text and you read it with one eye open

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When i was little i used to see people's cars shaking and wondered why they were listening to a song that just goes "BOOM BOOM BOOM"

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use the hair drier to dry my balls after shower

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Read the time on your watch, then after a few minutes, read it again because you forgot it.

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try and open the microwave right before it finishes.

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When listening to music via headphones in public, I become paranoid that I am bothering everyone around me as my breathing becomes louder without me realising.

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I like asking my wife how her SIMIANS are doing (the sims 4) because its fun watching her try to hide the fact that it annoys her. Nero, now if you thought Moral Man the Friendly neighbourhood r*pist was bad... Well, thumb me down I dare you! Seriously I totally did not have a certain bitch turkish hacker put a tracker on my laptop si I can find out where you live... And pay some guy to break your kneecaps... I only done it twice though... Here on horsehead network :) Third time is a charm ;) NERO: Actually I paid people five times, the fourth did not do his job, so I pay a fifth to FINISH HIM! (Sometimes I think people on craigslist just like to kill for the fun of it, seriously, eighty bucks?)

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getting furius wen ppl hav bad speling n grammer

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I TALK WITH PEDOBEAR ABOUT OUR BUSINESS ;)

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I have autofocus in my eyes.

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that time where you open the fridge door and stare at it for like 10 min then close it and walk away?

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Sometimes I wait a long time to pee when I really have to go. It feels good.

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Trying to do things before the microwave beeps .

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Intentionally utilize uncommon vocabulary to replace colloquial slang for the pure purpose of entertainment (for oneself). :D

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Sitting down on the toitlet to pee (being a male). It's so comfortable when you're tired. Also: Wonder if there's a female version of this, where girls stand up to take a piss. Just curiosity.

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I can't step on the cracks of sidewalks.

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I try to say something, but a bunch of people are talking at the same time so I yell at them to shut up and as soon as I say something I realize I was wrong so I say"okay" as calm as possible to keep from looking like a douche

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When you cringe as you walk out of a store because you're paranoid the door will beep...

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Wipe the salt off your hand on your right pant leg after eating salty fries from fast food restaurants.

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That awkward moment when you thought the other person opened the door for you to go in first, when it was actually for that person.

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hover over public toilets and end up leaving a sprinkling of pee that lands uniformly all over on the seat then use a big wad of TP and my foot to wipe down the seat.

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in burgers, you eat until you have only a few bites left, then you eat the bun and then the insides

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Thinking, "What is wrong with this generation"

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.