Tell myself that I'm only going for a 20 minute nap and end up sleeping for 1/+ hour(s)...

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I used to think that if the earth was completely smoothed flat and you had a really powerful telescope if you looked through it you would see yourself looking through the telescope.

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Skip the first 3 minutes of "Free Bird" because it's too slow.

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Looking at something suggestive on your computer and worrying that someone else in your family can see what you're doing on their computer.

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While playing a video game, narrate it explicitly in your head, e.i., stringing together absurd amounts of obscenities and scream them telepathically at your foes.

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test how many stares you can scale in one step

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Smoking in the shower.

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sometimes *sigh* sometimes I-I-I-I feel like the third or fourth most useless invention! Moral: BUAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!

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Pretend like i'm having a conversation with someone talking to somebody on a phone, and randomly say something to go with what the person says.

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Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

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When im home alone, i watch porn with the volume turned up really loud.

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When you walk across a cross walk and you stretch your steps so it takes one step for each line, yet you still try to look casual because ur in public

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I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because f*ck the NSA.

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I talk through my teeth when i am talking to my pets.

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I love the tingly feeling you get when youve shifted after realizing you arm, leg, hand, etc. has gone numb. am i the only one?

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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I waTch 2 GIRLS AND 1 CUP AND I FAPPED THOSE BITCHES MANY TIMES! HELL YEA! /M\

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OMG have you ever realized that one of your eyes is showing everything more reddish and the other one showing everything more bluish just like these old 3d glasses

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carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

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Only use the left earphone.

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k. everyone

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Hate when I can't sleep and the sun starts to come up and I hear birds chirping and i get worried and just realize that I should be happy that it's a new day and to relax.

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after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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Being fat

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.